my stalker’s response

i posted about my stalker a few days ago.  william is a facebook friend (well, unfriended now) who became obsessed with me.  we are all so easily connected with facebook, email, cell phones, etc. that it’s hard to know the proper distance of friendships.  over the course of six months, william pressed so hard that i became frightened and overwhelmed.  i became completely unhinged when he suggested that he would quit his job in tallahassee and move to chicago to be near me.  this was not a romantic obsession, but rather an obsession of friendship.

i blogged about william because i had reached my breaking point.  i had not been posting on facebook because i didn’t want to deal with him.  i had not been blogging or even turning on my phone for the same reason.  and i had taken to being extra cautious about leaving and returning to my apartment.  i thought of going to the police but then i thought i would trust my friends.

in blogging, i was contacted by a number of friends who had been contacted by william.  i heard from friends who advised restraining orders, firearms training, mischief, and mayhem.  i received many offers of safehouses, bodyguards, and friends who wanted to speak to william.  then i heard from william himself.

he posted a comment to my blog.  i made a decision to not approve the comment because i want to protect william’s identity–although, to be fair, facebook friends who have been reading my posts can easily figure out who he is and some have already had interactions with him.  this is what he had to say:

You are not responsible. This is my fault, and mine alone. I had no idea it was nearly this bad. I wish someone had made it clear to me. You have my word it front of all these witnesses, that you will never hear from me again. And I’m sorry.

i will take him at his word.  any suggestions or comments?


22 responses to “my stalker’s response

  • Mark

    I am not sure whether to “take him at his word” means. For me I would just continue to keep him blocked, not take his calls, etc. i.e. no contact. which means don’t even respond to his “offer.”

  • Miss X

    Leave it at that. I don’t think he will bother you again.

  • Anto prashanth

    Relax Arlynn… Things will be alright soon.

  • antopedia

    Relax Arlynn. Things should be alright soon…

  • wim

    Because William did decide this by himself, it makes him a bit a man of honour.
    And let it be a lesson to all of us: if you want to force your ideas to someone else, then do it on your own page instead of doing this on the page of a friend. That’s having respect for the identity of your friend itself !

  • Noel Williams www.prhayz.com

    Poor William may have been crying out for help. Judging from his response it appears you have never had a serious discussion with him about his behavior. Some people are inherently friendly, and William may very well be one. Still, there are flirts, and there are stalkers. However, it does not appear that you are in any apparent danger. Just ignore the guy. He will eventually go away.

  • Todd S. Parkhurst

    Take him at his word. What else can you do?

    Plz call me Monday re teaching story telling to my IP Trial Advocacy class, per my voicemail. Thx T

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    Three First National Plaza | 70 W. Madison St., Suite 4000 | Chicago, IL 60602 | http://www.hsplegal.com| 312.580.0100 | 312.580.1994 (fax)

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  • Paulibus Schumann

    Today I stalked you with soup… you didn’t seem to mind as much… feel better and stop all that coughin’ and you’ll be cured…

  • John Seidenberg

    Please exercise continuing caution and a very questioning approach to someone who now tells you he “had no idea” his actions were “nearly this bad.” How is it that when he proposed moving from Florida to the Chicago area to be near you that he failed to understand how alarmingly that could be to you? I would not necessarily take it as a given he won’t try to contact you in the future. His words sound like the kind of assurance he’d like you to have if he thinks you might then let your guard down. Please be careful and not assume anything.

  • Connie Conley

    I have been told by a well meaning friend, that whenever I have those feelings about a friendship..to go with my gut feeling. However, based on some things I have gone through in my life, I tend to have a gut feeling almost constantly telling me to stay away from interactions with people. I think it is part of being in a constant state of anxiety. If I attempt to do things without thinking, I am ok..and thankfully, nothing bad has happened during those times, except lectures from well meaning individuals. When I think ahead about any situations, then I will crawl back into my hole or corner of the world.

  • Don Wainwright

    Good advice from John. Continue protective/precautionary actions. I would again advise that you make a study of his background and monitor his movements from afar. He has the smell of a sociopath about him; they always feel their own pain more acutely and are also keenly aware of the dangers to themselves when a potential target displays unexpected capabilities.

    You’ve got a lot of capability in your friends with many of us having the resources and ablility to project force from quite a distance. Get healthy!

  • Geoff Fox

    I believe it was Oprah who said, when people show you how they are believe them(paraphrased and apologies) so take him at his word and consider the case closed. Do not ever reconsider. However, as your other friends have said continue to exercise caution.

  • amoleapi

    delete if possible all your internet accounts (facebook, blog…), and restart not giving to anyone your real name or address.

  • Susan Cochran

    Wow, thats scary. I think the best thing is to accept his apology but still stay “unfriended” from him. Maybe he was just lonely but something doesn’t seem right. You can never be too safe. Always follow your gut too.

  • Brian of Comic-con

    Better safe than sorry.

    Do yourself a favor and report the incident to the authorities. Maybe see if they will do a background search or something. If it comes back clean, everyone goes their separate ways. If it comes back that William is a two time widower with a history of tom-peepery, you know that you should probably go buy a taser and a retired police dog.

    Never underestimate your mind’s ability to sense something out of the ordinary, and never ignore a potential threat once it blips on your radar.

  • Pink Ninjabi

    it’s important to set boundaries to ensure you feel safe. I’m proud of you for taking that stand. I have so much to learn.

  • rbrassard

    Remain alert. Obsession is like any other addiction.

  • Susan

    Wow… Another Stalker.. and I thought the one from March 2012 would be your last one!! Be safe!!

  • Paulibus

    Oh my… from March 2012..? When did we start..???

  • Don Wainwright

    Arlynn – you have a lot on your plate right now. This guy is noise that you don’t need and should filter out to focus on getting well.

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