i have only been overnight at a hospital twice before in my life–both times, i was presented on my way out the door with a baby son. so it was with some surprise that i found myself discharged from evanston hospital with no party favor baby to show for it. i went into the hospital for a dark night of the soul, not so much a physical ailment and i was rewarded by something so precious: care. every single person who came into my room did so with a sense of caring for me. every nurse, every orderly, every friend, every visitor, up to and including my ex-husband maximilian.
i needed to break up with mr. pinot grigio and for four days i was pumped full of potassium, b-vitamins, valium, and care and concern in order that i might detox–er, declare a time out.
without mr. pinot grigio, i need to make some decisions. he’s sweet, don’t get me wrong. he’s reliable. he’s always there in the liquor aisle, ready to turn his complete attention to me. i hide from people and situations and yet he’s always ready to sit down with me and a bowl of popcorn and watch television and say “arlynn, you’re so pretty and fun i think you’re adorable!”
but now we need to make this timeout a permanent breakup. there are options and i am wavering:
1. go to aa meetings every day for the rest of my life. oh, wait, i’m not supposed to think rest of my life. instead, i am supposed to barrel through one day at a time. an hour at a time. a half hour at a time. i have a friend who is twenty five years sober who prays every morning for help with his addiction and attends meetings of one sort or another roughly seven times a week. on the other hand, i have been burned by peope in aa. a friend in aa told me that recovering alcoholics are nothing more than the best con artists who are hoping to be honest. and somehow i have discovered the aa members who are best at artistry but maybe not with greatest hope of honesty.
2. go to an outpatient program like chapman, which is associated with evanston hospital. i understand play therapy is part of the deal–meaning a therapist will teach me how to play games and have fun without alcohol. jeez, i would hope there’s not mah jongg involved since i find that game completely incomprehensible.
4. i have a friend who is approaching her eight year sobriety anniversary. aa? no, she swears the stories told in those meetings just made her want to go have a drink. psychotherapy? no although she’s enormously self-aware. rehab? no. zombies? oh, wait, no, i mean inpatient care. twenty eight days is how long it takes to invade england with zombies, and oddly enough, how long it takes for sandra bullock to get sober in a movie. my friend simply became a bride of christ. aa is something like a religion, i know committed members who have no other church. my friend went directly to the source of her faith. and has come out stronger, bolder, faster, more together.
so. . . i ask you, sweet wonderful reader, do you have an opinion? do you have advice? an opinion? as a blogger, i think i’m supposed to know what i’m doing or writing about. i don’t. not on this issue.