movember ends with a shave and do i have to go to the pokey to see f2fb friend #268?

rumors are fun and wildly destructive.  sometimes they are, surprise!, untrue.

one of these things IS true:

a)  i am responsible for the breakup of kris humphreys and kim kardashian

b) i had an affair with presidential candidate herman cain and he gave me coupons for free pizza

c) f2fb friend #268 jeffrey cokefair is in prison

d) i have gained weight this year because i spend more time in planes, trains and automobiles than on the stairmaster and i am mortified by the size of my butt


so at the beginning of this year, i sent out a lot of emails to facebook friends.  some people quickly put out the welcome mat and a few (very few) said no, thanks, this is a bad year for me.  a few, jeffrey cokefair included, said nothing.  made no reply at all.  and for most of those in the last category, i was simply persistent.

sometime in march of this year, i inquired of a mutual friend whether she knew where jeffrey cokefair was hanging out, since i hadn’t seen him around town.

“oh, he went to prison,”  my friend said with a great deal of confidence.  i was so astonished that i didn’t even inquire as to the crime for which jeffrey had been sentenced.  instead, i felt quite sorry, at a distance, for his ex-wife. i also made no follow up to try to see him except when i was traveling on i-57 i would stare wistfully at the pontiac exit sign.

pontiac correctional center is near i-57 in central illinois. on many of my f2fb trips, i would think "should i just stop in and ask if they have jeffrey cokefair?" maybe i could bring him snacks or a cake with a nail file.


i kept this knowledge for a full six months.  he had sold the building he owned in winnetka–one which housed my favorite restaurant–and i couldn’t really ask anybody “do you think he went to prison?”

then earlier this movember, i met f2fb friend #260 bridget greco-cokefair, jeffrey’s ex-wife.  i had vowed to myself that i wouldn’t bring up such a delicate subject.

bridget dyed my hair a beautiful chocolate brown. i got hives, not because i was allergic but because i was nervous. bridget told me lots of people get nervous sitting in a beautician's chair. she gave me a glass of water and i felt better.


bridget used to dye my sons’ hair when they got parts in shows where directors decided they wanted blonder kids.  so she asked about the boys and about our plans for thanksgiving.  i told her i was sorry that the boys were not coming back into town for thanksgiving but that i still was celebrating the day with my ex-husband and his oldest son david because we have had a tradition of celebrating together.

“oh, we’re the same way,”  bridget said.  “jeffrey and i aren’t married anymore but we’ll do thanksgiving together like we always do.  it’s easier on the kids.”

“so wait a minute!  he’s NOT in prison?”

“no, he’s just working downtown.”

some people think commuting downtown is just as bad as going to prison

so on the last day of movember, i met f2fb friend #268 jeffrey cokefair at dragonfly restaurant near where he works.  he’s part of a new venture, ox and pen, which gives consumers points for checking in from favorite restaurants, salons, spas, and fitness centers.  the points can be used like coupons. loyalty is rewarded.  you can read more about that at — but stop text-messaging me. . . i’m not misspelling movember.

during november--movember--men around the world grow moustaches and beards to raise awareness and funds for prostrate cancer research. jeffrey is going to shave december one.


you can learn more about movember at

i feel pretty lousy that i believed something on the basis of one person saying it’s so.  oh, and by the way, i didn’t do the nasty with herman cain and the kardashian-humphreys were able to break up all by themselves and in record time!


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