Monthly Archives: April 2012

cheating at the after party!

the facebook party at the book store was a great deal of fun!  and i let everybody get a sneak peek at the new ibook — face 2 facebook.  but for a week and a half before, i had been a serious atkins dieter.  it’s a no carb diet and i had to give up cupcakes and beer–my two favorite food groups.  i wanted to fit into the perfect dress and i did — although i did not actually breathe during the party.  and the after party. . . .

the book about my facebook adventure is an ibook that you can read either on your mac or on your ipad.  my tech dude o.j. dorson is also creating this in a format that you can read with your kindle or whatever.  but here’s the really interesting technological twist:

o.j. and i are also going to make a book that comes in a format in which individual screens (also called "pages") are made out of wood pulp (also known as "paper")


in this format, a qrl code would be embedded in some pages so that using your smartphone you could upload videos and pictures and whatnot onto your phone to enhance your reading experience.

if you’re a blogger and want to take your blog and create a book, or a writer who’s just about done with that first novel, i’d be happy to tell you more.  but first. . . . i gotta find another cupcake (BURP!)


a party invitation for you, yes YOU!

i want to meet you!  yes, you!  i want to see you, my facebook friend or maybe my wordpress friend, at round table books saturday evening five to eight, all you have to do is show your sweet face and maybe bring a new or gently used children’s book!  572 lincoln avenue in winnetka–see you there!

agoraphobics have their own anthem now!

i was sent this by david janis, a fellow agoraphobe.  he thought it was ironic that i am about to be a homeless agoraphobic and i thought it was ironic that there’s a new anthem for being housebound.  listen to what he’s got to say. . .


Versatile Blogger Award

Versatile Blogger Award.


i never thought i’d be so honored but i’m grateful to bargaindiva at  many many thanks!

the homeless agoraphobic

the ex-husband and i edge closer to a house sale.  we have come to an agreement with the buyers on price and they’re doing an inspection with their contractor on monday.  tentatively, we’re closing on june 28.  that’s when i become homeless, but in a very nice way.   it’s not like i’m going to be roaming the streets asking people for spare change and telling them i’m an injured war veteran with six kids to support.

nope, we’re going to rename this blog THE HOMELESS AGORAPHOBIC and figure out what to do with the rest of this life.

nonetheless, it’s difficult as someone who has regarded this as my safe place to know it’s not my safe place anymore.

until i was three years old, i lived with my parents justin and aleta. they put up for adoption and the patrick family of western springs took me in. they immediately had me baptized in the methodist faith. this picture was from that happy sunday. my older sister sandra had also adopted by the patrick family. justin and aleta divorced about a year afterwards. i wasn't reunited with them until i was twenty five.

it’s impossible to hide from a three year old that they have been adopted and that they’re sporting new parents.  my name was changed to lynn melody patrick.  i wasn’t allowed to keep anything justin and aleta may have sent with me.  i was in a new place.  and i had new people to call mom and dad.

sometimes i think agoraphobia is the outsized desire to have the world be safe, manageable and unchanging.  weirdly, the world never is.

mrs. jewell patrick was a beautiful woman who was unable to bear children because of a hysterectomy when she was seventeen. she was quite a disciplinarian, sometimes locking me up in the basement or in a closet for misdeeds. then there was the belt. . . .but i started to be cool with being locked up if i could read a book. i think this is why i'm literate, not the public school system.


i ran away from home when i was in my early teens.  i was very proud that i could pack everything i owned in a single hefty garbage back.  i still have some of the books that i took with me.  later, i was placed in different foster homes.  again, it was a good skill to be able to keep all of one’s possessions in a tight space and be able to pack at a moment’s notice.

denise was one of my foster sisters. we exchanged class pictures and i keep hers--well, all of my foster sisters and one brother who is now a sister--in my safety deposit box. denise later became a police officer!

maybe last year was a blessing:  i spent so much time in airplanes, trains, hotels, automobiles, on the road, in the air, at the terminal, standing in line at customs, standing in line at security, that i’m going to be okay about this dislocation.

holly was the most beautiful foster sister i had. when i was in the same home as she was, peter frampton had just come out with his first album. holly would sit in a rocking chair, smoking cigarettes and listening to that album over and over and over again. . . if i ever see mr. frampton, i will implore him to not sing in my presence. it was just too much frampton, too much "do you feel like i do?" oh, shoot, now i'm not going to get that song out of my head. thanks a lot, holly!


my biological mother aleta did not appreciate having me find her when i was twenty five.  this was before facebook, before the internet,  jeez, i had to hire a private detective.  she didn’t want me in her life.  not when i was three years old.  not when i was twenty five years old.  and frankly. . . not now either.

i found out several months ago that aleta has a facebook account. i sent her a friendship request and a message telling her that she has two grandsons--joseph and eastman. ixnay.


in the meantime, i hope you’re looking up 572 lincoln avenue winnetka illinois on mapquest and thinking about a new or gently used children’s book you want to bring to the face 2 facebook party on saturday night.  starts at five o’clock, courtesy of arthur frank the owner, and concludes at eight.  i’ll be unveiling the new i-book “face 2 facebook”. . . .the first three chapters are free to you!  and if you’re a blogger or a writer–this is the future of how books can be constructed — can’t wait to see you there!

the sweetest smelling homeless person in america. . . .

.  . . that would be me!

today, i sold my house.  or rather, my ex-husband and i accepted an offer on the house we own together, the one i live in, the one we raised our sons in.  about a month from now, a new family will move into the house.  it’s a great house for raising a family, for giving parties, for building a life!

every year, stephen and i gave a boxing day party. december 26th, hosting as many as a hundred people. here i am at one of those parties!


selling a house is a little freaky.  my ex and i were alternately happy and terrified.  and the next month will be awfully busy for me as i try to figure out where every piece of furniture, book, clothes and dishes are to go. . . and then of course, there’s me.

on december 31, 2010 i made a new years resolution to meet all 325 of my facebook friends by the end of 2011.  i managed 292, exactly 90%. . . . thirteen countries, fifty flights, almost every state in the union.  and now that my “safe” place, my home, is going to be sold, i realize that i am untethered.

it’s alternately scary and exciting.

after we sorted out the details, my ex and i were wrung out. this is a house with so many memories. i don't know--will the smell of angel perfume ever really get out of the house? maybe it will linger. i got angel body lotion after the negotiations were over, sort of an impulse purchase or maybe just a nervous breakdown. i might not have a home, but i will smell fabulous!



it’s de-lightful! it’s delicious! it’s de-lovely!

although it wasn't part of the original 1934 production of anything goes, and wasn't added to the show until the 1962 revival, the song "it's de-lovely" best expresses the delightful, delicious, yes, de-lovely feeling of being in love. i've been singing that song all week but not about love. i've been singing it about friendship!


f2fb friend #315 tony tyner is the sort of big strong bear of a man who makes a woman feel petite, pretty and protected.  but of course, i didn’t need protection–we were in the quaint little town of geneva, illinois.  tony endured me trying on hats in a girlie shop and we steered very far away from the candy shop because i’m trying to lose ten pounds by the twenty eighth so that i will believe i look good for the party for my facebook friends!

it was DE-LIGHTFUL to meet tony! turns out we have a lot in common in our childhoods. . . . tony is a single dad raising three children. i admire how he's endured tough times and come out with a cheerful countenance!


after i left geneva, i went straight to the round table books at 572 lincoln avenue.  that’s where the party is–the party YOU’RE INVITED TO!!!!  the party is on the 28th from five to eight in the evening.  and it is a party where we will unveil the first three chapters of the book face 2 facebook.  it’s in an exciting ibook format that allows for embedded videos and photo galleries and smell-o-matic sensors so that you can smell the angel perfume, the breakfast bacon, the cows out in the meadows.  i’m lying about only one of the ibook features.

when i stopped by the shop, owner arthur frank who is generously hosting the event told me that a package had arrived for me.  we opened it and discovered two children’s books.  for the party, i’ve asked guests to bring one new or gently used children’s book to donate to reach out & read illinois, a foundation that tries to put books in the hands of needy children.

howard lovely, jr., who has a blog on wordpress — — wrote that he would not be able to attend the party but that he wanted to send something anyway.

the two books, both by wayne dyer, express a positive message for children. okay, i'm going to say it -- howard lovely, YOU'RE DE-LOVELY!


i am working hard to finish the three chapters with genius o.j. dorson.  if you come to the party with YOUR blog and book ideas, take him aside and see if he can work with you.  and as soon as the party’s over. . .

i don't know why i'm all panicky about my weight but after the party it'll be anything goes and this cupcake is going to be . . . DE-LICIOUS!!!!