tell the investment world to zuck off!

i am very grateful to facebook.  if you have an account, you are grateful too.  even if you don’t say so.  facebook is how you keep up with your family and friends–yeah, right, but it’s also where you hang out, play farmville, castleville and diamond dash, post pictures of your friends lying on a couch passed out with a bottle of jim beam, and where you play the next flashmob coup d’etat of your home country.  facebook is a party room in which you are always the v.i.p.  facebook is grateful to you because you give the company its biggest asset:  the most comprehensive user database in existence.  it’s an n.r.a. mailing list on steroids.

in visiting my facebook friends, i have used planes, trains, and automobiles. when you get a flat tire, take it off the car and pour soapy water on it. wherever you see bubbles is where you have a leak! i am working out the details on fixing this one!

facebook was founded in mark zuckerberg’s harvard dorm room in 2004.  i joined up in 2007, mostly so i could troll through my sons’ friends lists in order to ascertain whether they were being targeted by predators.  i got addicted.  i then in 2011 i decided to make the facebook experience a real one–and resolved to visit each of my facebook friends in person.

facebook went public this spring and was initially offered at $38 per share.  this past friday, facebook closed at slightly under $23.  investors are dumping the stock, in part because facebook faces a challenge in servicing users who have iphones, android and tablets.  somehow i think the zuckerberg team will figure this one out.

christian bertelsen–chief investment dude at the global financial private capital company–calls facebook a “tomorrow stock” and he’s right.  facebook is nothing to invest in if you are going to check out the stock price every day, every hour, every minute.  which means that the exact sort of person who uses facebook–and updates their status every day, every hour, every minute–is exactly the wrong candidate to be a facebook shareholder.

mark, i believe in you. actually, i believe in the incredible database that you’ve accumulated which allows companies to target advertising with such precision. which is why i keep seeing ads on my page about how to get rid of wrinkles and belly fat. p.s. thank you and facebook friend tony tyner for the birthday wishes!

 

so i say buy facebook stock.  buy lots of it.  and then don’t check for updated status.  give it three years, which on a facebook timeline is like eternity.  amazon went through a similar bust-o and folks were talking about it being “just a bookstore” on the internet–now amazon is retailer to the world.

mark zuckerberg has the best incentive to make facebook work. he was worth $19.1 billion on the day of the i.p.o. and now you’re worth a paltry $11.9 billion (after selling off 30 million shares to raise money to feed the i.r.s.).  it’s hardly enough money to live on.

mark, you can send me diamonds out of your petty cash drawer! i don’t think you’re motivated by the money–as you have said, “we don’t build services to make money, we make money so we can build better services.”

 

so we gotta ask:

 


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