January 21, 2013
i really thought it was over: my stalker returns
i really thought it was over. my stalker had claimed he would never attempt to contact me again. i started to breathe a little easier, to forget this was happening, to start thinking about planning another trip. i had been hiding in my apartment. i had been avoiding facebook, my email, my phone because any one of them could contain another communication. at his most energetic, william could email me, text me to tell me that i had to answer his email, and then the email might contain a request for me to check his posting on my wall. this might happen in the course of ten minutes and when i failed to respond immediately he might add on more messages, texts, posts and calls to get my attention. one day in september, he announced he wanted to quit his job in tallahassee and be with me. he has angered and been defriended by a half dozen of my facebook friends. please understand i met him exactly once as part of my facebook friends project. i blocked him on facebook and on hotmail, but wordpress still allows him to message me.
yesterday morning, i checked my emails and found this message from an address and a woman (jennifer renalds). i didn’t recognize the address or the name. i will print it in full:
To miss presser. Arlyn is it? I am writing this to let you know of something that happened last night. My name is Jennifer, and Bill Taylor is a friend of mine. I want you to know that Bill attempted suicide last night. I have known bill for a couple of months and he is the kindest and most thoughtful guy I have ever met. he shared with me a lot of messages and emails you two shared. I admit he can be overwhelming, and he has always troubled himself over this. I also saw a message you left for him a short time ago saying everything was good with your friendships. My sister noticed a message in your blog yesterday, and told him about it. I stopped by his house and found him in tears, saying it all had been a lie. and I found he had taken a whole bottle of some medicine he had there. Miss presser, he will live, but I just wanted you to know what had happened. You let him believe for months that everything was okay and i can see from some of these messages that he tried many times to ask you if things were okay with you guys and you just left him hanging. I think you should be ashamed of your self miss presser! Bill deservse so much better then that. You hurt him. you hurt him very badly. I just wanted you to know. and I think you are a bad person for letting this happen. He never blamed you one bit! He was willing to leave you alone, and you you ended up calling him a stalker from the beginning. In the last couple of weeks, I think I have really come to care about him. I just wanted you to know.
i lost it. i couldn’t stop shaking. i jumped whenever i heard a sound. i felt responsible. and angry that i was being made to feel responsible. i finally did something that many of my friends have advised: i went to the kenilworth police station just down the street. the officers assured me that, based on the correspondence i was able to produce, including this last one, there was a problem. they called the tallahassee police and ascertained that no william had been admitted or even seen for a suicide attempt. the tallahassee police visited him at his home and were reassured that there had been no suicide attempt (intriguingly, he claimed not to know a jennifer renalds). the police told him to never attempt any communication with me whatsoever. including even contacting a friend and asking for a message to be passed along to me. that last part is why i am writing this today. to say please, if you are my friend and you are contacted, tell me about it so i can tell the police.
it is a situation i let go on for too long. i thank my many friends who have offered a safe house, weapons training, advice, a shoulder to cry on. . .
i have always had a crush on dolph lundgren. maybe he would volunteer to be my bodyguard! so if you’re facebook friends with mr. dreamy lundgren, have him get in touch. like really in touch with me!
actually, lundgren aside, i have spent close to six months being afraid and overwhelmed. i have kept quiet because i didn’t want to hurt anybody. but now i am worried about being hurt. and so i want you to know what is out there, what i am afraid of, what i have get past if i’m going to get back out on the road and see my wonderful friends! if you have any thoughts, share them with me!
January 21st, 2013 at 10:50 pm
I admired you from the time I started to follow your blog and became an after 300 facebook friend. At the time I was concerned that this might happen – I figure that you had your worries as well – but determined you were to go out there and meet the fb people in your life – and again I so admire you for that. Don’t let this get you down! Not all people are like – but unfortunately some are – and often because of mental illnesses or other problems. Again… be strong – be you and most of all – enjoy life and don’t ever be afraid – just be careful!
January 21st, 2013 at 11:05 pm
sig i still want to get to iceland. too bad the flights are so damn expensive. but i was so surprised that it never happened during the first year of the project. much love!
January 21st, 2013 at 11:12 pm
one of these days you will make it here – and if I am here – I will do my utmost to make your stay a pleasant one! take care and chin up – you can’t let this control your life!
January 21st, 2013 at 10:53 pm
I’m so sorry to hear this. I am sorry I missed your call this weekend. I just got a new number yesterday…314-332-6306. I will call you Wed. night…b well friend & come back my family misses you.
January 21st, 2013 at 11:03 pm
for the moment i’m holed up in my apartment waiting for dolph lundgren to get here. jk jk. would love to come back down to st. louis.
January 21st, 2013 at 11:11 pm
Arlynn, we never know what others will read into our words. Or from where their thoughts come. (fyi: I found the pic of Lundgren distracting and kind of contrary to the seriousness of this post). Please take good care of your precious self. I always always always wish the very best for you. Be well, my friend. And please, be careful. xoJulia
January 21st, 2013 at 11:18 pm
i was being a titch playful. mostly because i’ve spent the last two days completely nerve wracked about this!
January 21st, 2013 at 11:37 pm
I hope you are being careful. Do you have someone to come stay with you for awhile? I’m afraid for you. Please be extra careful….keep your eyes open. This will pass, ArLynn. And you will be able to relax again. You just never know what’s going on in someone’s head. Actually, I’m surprised this is only just happening to you….because you are beautiful and open to people and you embrace everyone you meet…..it makes you a target for those who are maybe just a tad less than stable. Always wishing you the best, dear one. Please be well. xoJulia
January 21st, 2013 at 11:20 pm
No suicide attempt. No “Jennifer.” No surprise!
January 21st, 2013 at 11:24 pm
here’s the weird thing: my neighbor ned leuchtner read the email and immediately said “no suicide, no jennifer” and so did the police. i was the one who was worried he had tried to off himself.
January 21st, 2013 at 11:40 pm
That says a lot about the decent content of your character!
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:16 am
You are not responsible. This person is mentally ill. You can call or knock on our door any time of the day! Aren’t the Kenilworth police great!
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:56 am
Arlynn; this is just short of rape from the info you’ve provided, and. If you need anything, just holler-I’m in Aurora. George Bavas-(part-time damsel-rescuer)
January 22nd, 2013 at 1:49 am
george are you volunteering for bodyguard duty?
January 24th, 2013 at 7:00 pm
Arlynn, If you are in need……then, INDEED!
I did say holler and meant it.
January 24th, 2013 at 7:32 pm
many thanks george!
January 22nd, 2013 at 1:48 am
dear arlynn, it is not your fault that there are people who need to cling to others and stalk them. you didn`t do anything wrong and you don`t have to change your behavior in any way – it is not you who is harassing the other person. i wish you all the best!
January 22nd, 2013 at 2:08 pm
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I can’t imagine what it is like. I don’t know what else you can do about it. I hope he goes away and never bothers you again. No one should have to live in fear just because they write.
January 22nd, 2013 at 6:40 pm
ArLynn – these kinds of people have what’s known as “borderline personality disorders” they are the ultimate narcissist, Their taxonomy is outlined in The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition (DSM-IV-TR). He hits many of the marks on the diagnostic scale. They thrive on and focus on control of others.
The standardized course of treatment in Mississippi is six rounds of hyper-acute lead poisoning or vigorously massaging the scalp with a tire tool.
Get a restraining order out on this guy and arm yourself.
January 22nd, 2013 at 9:23 pm
Oh, Arlynn, I’ve been worried about you for so long. I can’t say “trust everyone but the creepy ones” who knows who they are. Your friends are giving you great advise. People have been clinging to you for various reasons. I’m proud that you’re my friend, not only on fb. I’m so sorry that this has happened to you, I was stalked for 7 years, and thank goodness the internet wasn’t as sophisticated as it is now. Actually I still worry, but I keep moving forward. I hope that you can continue without fear. ❤ C
January 23rd, 2013 at 9:56 pm
That was an obvious fake. And even if it had been real, you know what? Tough ****. I’ve been to meetings (of The Program™) where someone was all upset because their druggie ex committed suicide — but that is not their doing. It is no surprise that this guy couldn’t help himself and contacted you again. It stinks, but he’ll probably keep at it. As hard as it is to do, maybe it’s time to go totally off the grid for awhile — no FB, no blog, no contact, just silence. Even one-way communication like this is just feeding him. Maybe he’ll eventually find someone else to stalk. >8[
January 24th, 2013 at 1:37 am
The true narcissist cannot kill themselves; they’re too much in love with themselves. Here are some markers for the borderline personality disorder:
1. Individuals with BPD can be very sensitive to the way others treat them, reacting strongly to perceived criticism or hurtfulness. Their feelings about others often shift from positive to negative, generally after a disappointment, a perceived threat of losing someone, or a perceived loss of esteem.
2. i Individuals with BPD, while strongly desiring intimacy, can be hyper-alert to signs of rejection or devaluation. They tend toward insecure, avoidant or ambivalent, or fearfully preoccupied attachment patterns in relationships in the eyes of someone they value.
3. Manipulation to obtain nurturance is considered to be a common feature of BPD by many who treat the disorder, as well as by the DSM-IV.
From the DSM-IV:
A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, as well as marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1.Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5
2.A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3.Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4.Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, excessive spending, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5
5.Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self-injuring behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars or picking at oneself (excoriation).
6.Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7.Chronic feelings of emptiness
8.Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
9.Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms
.Here’s some one way communication for him. He should get help before someone feels the need to relieve themselves of his pain.
January 25th, 2013 at 5:17 pm
I tried, many years ago, to be kind and reasonable to an absolutely impossible co-worker who was rumored to have Borderline Personality Disorder. I wound up getting slugged.
January 25th, 2013 at 7:55 pm
BPD’s don’t process kind and reasonable (although they can fake it); you’re either aligned with their interests (that doesn’t mean you’re their friend) or you’re their enemy. It’s important that you identify and isolate them. Once they know that you know what they are (sociopaths); they’ll give you a wide berth since they know that they’ve lost their camoflage and the advantage that they have over their victims who are operating within the rules of civility.
It goes very much against our Judeo-Christian values of extending the qualities of mercy and kindness to all when we have to withdraw from civil engagement but I’m here to tell you that there is real evil in the world and BPD’s are the delivery vehicles. You have to confront evil with all of the resources that are available to you.
January 25th, 2013 at 10:05 pm
Wow! I didn’t see this before when I posted the second part of my message, but wow! Yes! The co-worker I had possessed criminal tendencies. I don’t, so I was “the enemy.”
January 25th, 2013 at 10:06 pm
you and don have particularly good insight into things!
January 25th, 2013 at 8:29 pm
I was going to add earlier (but got interrupted) that I’m not necessarily saying anything like what I described with my crazed co-worker would happen with regard to the guy who’s been hounding ArLynn. However, it’s best to disengage from over-the-top types as quickly as possible. The crazed co-worker was terrified of abandonment and always saying so – but hey, if someone wants people to stay in their life, for starters, they clean their act up and don’t run around punching people, or scaring them, either.
January 25th, 2013 at 9:42 pm
You are amazing and I hope I meet you someday
January 25th, 2013 at 9:46 pm
January 29th, 2013 at 5:30 pm
Miss Presser, I would like to tell you something, if it would be helpful..its that, your posts are likely to make an outsider who reads it feel that you are scared of your stalker. And this is enough to make your stalker take advantage over you. The more you react to the tortures of his, the more you would get messages from him. Its great that you have let the police know about this. And I request you to be least bothered about him. The least importance you give him in your posts, you will feel more releaved.
January 30th, 2013 at 7:28 pm
I just wanted to add, if I could…I realize this situation is atrociously bad, but there’s a lot of people on here who keep talking about shooting the guy. He was emailing me, too, and it did get excessive, but…shooting? There’s got to be a better way than threatening to go that far. Just sayin’.