Tag Archives: bennifer

the only alternative is to break up

so you met your one and only (let’s leave polygamists and scoundrels out of this for the moment) and you want to make it official.  it used to be that you’d have to shell out for a diamond  and a justice of the peace, but on facebook, all you have to do is change your status from “single” to “in a relationship”.

when you’re in a relationship on facebook, the two of you get your very own “us” page.  it pulls the status updates, tagged photos of you and all your friends and pools your friends list.  with the new timeline feature (love it or hate it) you  are officially brangelina, tomkat, or bennifer.

two out of those three entities became “it’s complicated” and then the letters of the alphabet were realigned.

bennifer (ben affleck and jennifer lopez) created the 2003 blockbuster hit gigli. whaaaa. . . ? you didn’t see it? the tender love story between a mobster and a lesbian. includes the immortal dialogue about cunnilingus. jennifer: it’s turkey time. ben: what? jennifer: gobble gobble. really, bennifer was robbed of an academy award!


so maybe you’ve been listed as in a relationship or even (gasp!) married.  facebook has already created that couples’ page.  log into your own account, then visit facebook/us.  voila!  it’s all there, your entire relationship.

but maybe you don’t want to have a couples page, you want to believe that you can have a bit of your own space to play farmville and mafia wars.  right now there’s only one thing to do–break up.  change your status to “single”. . . there’s going to be a broken heart posted on all your friends’ pages and you’ll get all kinds of texts and messages from friends wondering if you’re all right,  if you’re going to return wedding presents because that lismore crystal was damn expensive, and whether you’re chill with your best friend asking your ex out on a date because there’s always been such good chemistry between them!