Tag Archives: donald trump

my midlife crisis act 1: the car, the ex and the view from the rear view mirror

you are walking out of starbucks and there he is:  the ex.  otherwise known as the heartbreak kid.  mr. wrong. or maybe mr. what-was-i-thinking?  

I used to answer A, mostly because every day is a bad hair day for me.   And nothing makes a bad hair day the baddest than running into an ex.

the trumpster must run into an ex every day,  or maybe he's just gotten over worrying about it!

the trumpster must run into an ex every day, or maybe he’s just gotten over worrying about it!

sometimes i have answered B, hoping that the new dude will be so handsome, so sweet, so machismo that i will give off the “i am so over you” vibe. then this happened to me. . . .

“glad to meet you,” the ex said to the newly minted boyfriend.  “And let me introduce you to my girlfriend.  She’s a nuclear physicist.”

i stared at the drop dead gorgeous woman.

“yeah, right,”  i said.

“no, really, i am a phsyicist,” she said.  “i’m with argonne national laboratories.”

awkward!  and worse, i got a text a half hour later from the ex.

“he seems nice,”  it read.

nice?  what does nice mean?

most recently, I ran into ron.  he was my first post-divorce relationship.  he’s a doctor, devoted dad, articulate, funny, and I fell hard.  but he wanted a much younger woman and that’s exactly who was standing beside him on the sidewalk.  with the stroller.  in front of starbucks.  and the newborn.  i had three inch unwashed roots.  it had been a year and a half since we had run into each other.  but, again, bad hair days attract exes.

“oh, hey, fancy meeting you here,” he said.

did i mention he had a thing about cars?  ron could look at any car and tell you the make, the model, the year, and he always had an opinion about whether it was a car he would care to drive.  oh, wait, every man is like that!

“this a 2003 nissan 350z,” he said.  “great car.  i’m going to get one of those someday.  oh, uh, may I introduce you to my wife stephanie?”

we exchanged wary nicetameetcha’s. ron continued to stare at the car.  really, it was as if you had dropped a playboy centerfold on the curb.

“it’s really the dupont chromillusion custom paint job that makes it special,” i said.

“i didn’t know you knew that much about cars,” ron said.

“i don’t.  i just know my car.  it’s my midlife crisis.”

and it is.  it makes me feel younger, it makes me feel not so bad about being alone and about the kids going off to school, it says “you’ve still got it, arlynn” even when i can’t remember to get my hair done.

so i got in.  watching his dumbfounded gaze in the rear view mirror was a bonus.  To an already wonderful feeling about the car.  It attracts attention, as in kids asking if they can sit in the driver’s seat and have their pictures taken.  It makes me feel cool, which is always a good thing for a gal.   and it actually costs me less to insure than my suburban matron ex-vehicle the mini-coop.


you are walking out of starbucks and run into your ex.  what should you do?  pull the keys out of your purse and drive!

mark zuckerberg avoids transfer taxes! also, incidentally gets married.

what a week for mark zuckerberg!  on monday, his girlfriend of nine years — priscilla chan — graduated from stanford university medical school AND it was his birthday!  he posted “I’m so proud of you, Dr. Chan” during the commencement ceremony.  aww, ain’t love grand?

then facebook shares became available to the public and institutional investors for the first time. it was an incredible payday for the private investors who have supported facebook until now.  the private investors have risked everything on an idea–that ordinary people want to look up old friends, find new ones, play hidden chronicles, and post pictures of their adorable ___ (cat, dog, baby, grandmother, thing they made for dinner).  those investors, and mark, were right.  facebook shares opened at $38 per share and are holding steady as i write this.

mark’s fortune is now so vast that relationship advice expert donald trump opined that a naive young billionaire often makes bad moves, saying “they get married, and then for some reason over the next couple of years they get divorced and then she sues him for $10 billion and she hits the jackpot.  I’m notoriously cheap with these things, I think if she made $1 million, that would be very good.”  that donald, always an optimist!

the movie “the social network” makes it sound like mark was a bit of, ahem, loser with women. actually, he and priscilla have been dating for nine years. they’ve been together during the tough times and the really great times. for my wedding present to the zuckerbergs, i’m going to give them a photo album entitled “my trip to the grand canyon”, a link to a leah silberman music video and a list of all my friends!  oh, wait, they already have that!  p.s. don’t they look adorable pictured here in their backyard at the wedding?

so one day after facebook went public, mark zuckerberg changed his status from single to married and wrote a pithy post:  “Married Priscilla Chan”. . . it has a lot of ‘likes’. . . .

a curious financial note that the donald might not have thought of:  let’s say i’m a billionaire.

okay, i had to have a few moments to close my eyes and think about that one!  back to business!

i’m a billion.  my girlfriend (her name, just hypothetically, is priscilla) is a pediatrician who wants to open up a clinic for underprivileged children.  i want to give her, say, a billion to build the clinic of her dreams.  if she’s my girlfriend, the transfer taxes are awful–the internal revenue service will have an agent on my doorstep asking for their share of the money toot sweet! that’s french for jimmy johns fast–

but if i want to give my wife (again, just hypothetically named priscilla) a billion dollars to open a clinic, it’s what the i.r.s. call a “nontaxable event”.  the i.r.s. hates nontaxable events–if they could figure out a way to make taking a nap on the lounge chair in your backyard a taxable event, they would! personally, i think the world has come out on top.  mark owns all our personal information because we have an implacable human need to connect.  priscilla makes medical care available to kids who might otherwise not be able to get it.  and love reigns!  too bad about the i.r.s.

but i wonder what you think …

and, of course, i wonder–did they invite all their facebook friends?