this year has been a year of losses, most particularly the loss of my best friend which occurred last week. but counting up my losses is not as productive as counting blessings. my new friend boris certainly knows about counting blessings.
in 2011, i made a new year’s resolution to spend the year visiting each and every facebook friend i had at the time. it was a fun year, a year of discovery, a year of having to push my boundaries. 325 friends? oh, yeah, and 13 countries and just about every state in the nation. being an agoraphobic who has difficulty leaving the house it was a challenge. but it was also a pleasure because i got to be with friends, some of whom i had only known online, some of whom i hadn’t seen in decades, some of whom turned out to be, well, catfish.
this year, my resolution is to recover myself. and to do what my friend mark hashizume calls self-care. so every day i will do and blog about an act intentionally meant to care for myself. i ask you, i challenge you, to do the same with me. we all have had tough years–i have a friend who lost a husband to alzheimer’s. a friend who lost her five year old son to cancer. a friend whose son committed suicide. a friend who lost her home (oh, wait, i did too). and then there’s ryan gosling–
ryan, really, we both have to move on especially now that you and eva are becoming parents. think of her feelings! and the arlynn presser t-shirt isn’t going to make her feel strong and confident as she should! but truly, i understand your pain. i’ll always love you.
how do you self-care? how do you think should start self-care? and can we help each other self-care together?
you are walking out of starbucks and there he is: the ex. otherwise known as the heartbreak kid. mr. wrong. or maybe mr. what-was-i-thinking?
I used to answer A, mostly because every day is a bad hair day for me. And nothing makes a bad hair day the baddest than running into an ex.
the trumpster must run into an ex every day, or maybe he’s just gotten over worrying about it!
sometimes i have answered B, hoping that the new dude will be so handsome, so sweet, so machismo that i will give off the “i am so over you” vibe. then this happened to me. . . .
“glad to meet you,” the ex said to the newly minted boyfriend. “And let me introduce you to my girlfriend. She’s a nuclear physicist.”
i stared at the drop dead gorgeous woman.
“yeah, right,” i said.
“no, really, i am a phsyicist,” she said. “i’m with argonne national laboratories.”
awkward! and worse, i got a text a half hour later from the ex.
“he seems nice,” it read.
nice? what does nice mean?
most recently, I ran into ron. he was my first post-divorce relationship. he’s a doctor, devoted dad, articulate, funny, and I fell hard. but he wanted a much younger woman and that’s exactly who was standing beside him on the sidewalk. with the stroller. in front of starbucks. and the newborn. i had three inch unwashed roots. it had been a year and a half since we had run into each other. but, again, bad hair days attract exes.
“oh, hey, fancy meeting you here,” he said.
did i mention he had a thing about cars? ron could look at any car and tell you the make, the model, the year, and he always had an opinion about whether it was a car he would care to drive. oh, wait, every man is like that!
“this a 2003 nissan 350z,” he said. “great car. i’m going to get one of those someday. oh, uh, may I introduce you to my wife stephanie?”
we exchanged wary nicetameetcha’s. ron continued to stare at the car. really, it was as if you had dropped a playboy centerfold on the curb.
“it’s really the dupont chromillusion custom paint job that makes it special,” i said.
“i didn’t know you knew that much about cars,” ron said.
“i don’t. i just know my car. it’s my midlife crisis.”
and it is. it makes me feel younger, it makes me feel not so bad about being alone and about the kids going off to school, it says “you’ve still got it, arlynn” even when i can’t remember to get my hair done.
so i got in. watching his dumbfounded gaze in the rear view mirror was a bonus. To an already wonderful feeling about the car. It attracts attention, as in kids asking if they can sit in the driver’s seat and have their pictures taken. It makes me feel cool, which is always a good thing for a gal. and it actually costs me less to insure than my suburban matron ex-vehicle the mini-coop.
you are walking out of starbucks and run into your ex. what should you do? pull the keys out of your purse and drive!
i am shaking as i write this because i’m about to start on a nine day barnstorming friend trip throughout the eastern united states and i can’t get myself to leave the house. there’s a storm out there. and i’m pretty sure i’m having a heart attack or a brain aneurysm or a nervous breakdown all at the same time. but i have an intention, a new year’s eve resolution made in haste without regard to consequences.
at least somebody is packed and ready to go!
my friend laurie carver is someone i only see at parties or when she hosts her cabi line of dresses. she has been a businesswoman for many years and i was surprised when she told me about her new bracelet.
i have been hearing again and again of people looking for love and i don’t think that urge leaves us until our last breath.
laurie and i grew up with the feminism of gloria steinem, ms. magazine, national organization for women, breaking that glass ceiling, power suits. so i was really surprised at what she had to say about men and women.
laurie is someone i’m going to be checking back in with. because if that bracelet brings her intention to fruition, i’m going to want one that will give me courage. me and the lion, who sings
What makes the muskrat guard his musk?
Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder?
Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder?
Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the “ape” in apricot?
What have they got that I ain’t got?
there is just one thing i have to do now–get in the damn car!
oh, wait, it’s not valentine’s day! but okay, maybe it’s valentine’s day in chapel hill!
i was surprised by the new joy in susan eastman’s life–i guess when i was nineteen i assumed that love, particularly romantic love, couldn’t come into one’s life when one was so boldly prime time as sixty years old. in fact, i thought everything became quite settled. placid. dull.
wow, am i wrong! every facebook friend i meet is the star of their own reality show and not some bit player in a family drama. susan met gene last august but didn’t go on a first date until january–and since then, well, susan, how old are you two?
there are billions of us on earth, and 700 million on facebook and sometimes it’s a little overwhelming. but also very beautiful. i don’t think there’s any galpal more beautiful than susan eastman right now!