Tag Archives: friendship

December 22, 2011

the worst christmas ever is always the one that’s coming. . .

By arlynnpresser

i yelled at my ex-husband over the phone this morning that i wanted to kill myself.  i have been crying for nearly three hours off and on, and it’s really hard to order coffee at caribou while you’re hiding a secret behind your ray-bans.  i’ll have the wahhhhh! decaf medium sniff! please!

the patricks were not holiday people.  they considered birthdays for children under the age of five and since i was adopted at three you can sort of see how much traction my birthday got.  halloween trick or treating?  ixnay.  valentine’s?  there’d better be no boys sniffing around this house with cards–i don’t care if your teacher says that everybody has to send everybody a card.

they were okay on christmas, a little.  there was a tree.  we ate datenut bread and cream cheese sandwiches on christmas eve and on christmas day, dinner was accompanied by prince andre cold duck.  until the patricks discovered sparkling burgundy.  the day after christmas, the tree was thrown out onto the parkway.

it’s the lead up that always did me in!

one year, i was so excited about santa’s imminent arrival that i repeatedly snuck down the stairs to the living room.  santa never arrived.  i woke up in the morning and saw nothing under the tree.  my mother said that santa had simply skipped the neighborhood.  but when my older adopted sister sandra and i went next door, there were presents and laughter and stockings.  sandra got them to give us some candy and she put it in my stocking.  that was christmas.  a few years later, mrs. patrick allowed as how it made her so mad that i kept getting up, she finally decided to punish me with no christmas.  it was quite effective.  the next year, they had to drag me out of bed christmas morning.

but that wasn’t as bad as the year i turned eleven.  there was several boxes just for me under the tree!  i was so excited but i forgot:  puberty was just around the corner.  so was bleeding.  menstruation was something mrs. patrick didn’t have to deal with because she had had a hysterectomy when she was seventeen.  she delighted that she didn’t have that “dirtiness” to contend with.  my christmas presents were a box of kotex napkins, some underwear that had a garter to hold the napkins in place, and mr. patrick (who traveled on business a lot) had contributed a box of the airsickness bags he had filched so that i could dispose of the used napkins.  i was sternly warned that under no circumstances could i put the napkins in the household garbage cans.

“that’s how diseases are spread,”  mrs. patrick warned me.  i felt really funny around my father, knowing that he knew this would happen to me.  my sister gave me the talk about how periods worked but she used such convoluted language that i thought i would be bleeding from my belly button.  wow!  i was so surprised when it actually happened!  i thought i was dying!

airlines used to place airsickness bags in the pocket in the seat in front of you. they were for use when people threw up from nausea midflight.

 

so i have had christmases alone, i’ve had wonderful christmases with the eastmans and with my own family.  but i always have the pre-christmas fears that this is going to be one of those bad christmases.  this year, i’m already panicking.  i wish there was a holiday five days before where everybody would announce that they loved everybody in their family A LOT!  it would certainly help me.

and yet, what i should remember most is not whether one son or another remembers to get me a present or whether everybody behaves at the two different christmas dinners i’m hosting (two of which will include an ex-husband and one of which will include his first ex-wife) or whether someone gets mad because i didn’t mail their christmas wreath to them soon enough.  i should remember that next year’s christmas.  . .  definitely could be worse and it’s a long ways away!

 

 

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December 11, 2011

how to work the runway–lessons in being a supermodel

By arlynnpresser

sometimes i travel a long way to see a facebook friend and f2fb friend #274 victoria stone-grace traveled to visit me!  she and her friend marcus drove three hours from northampton, massachusetts to see me in new york before i headed back to winnetka.  i hadn’t seen tory in such a long time that i was worried i wouldn’t recognize her.  but then i saw a tall, cool, sophisticated gal amidst the earnest tourists, somberly dressed natives and, oh, yes, the santas.

new york city was host to a santa run and so a quarter of the people in midtown manhattan were dressed as either santa, a sexy santa, or an elf. i was dressed as a midwestern middle aged lady who lives out of a suitcase

 

then i saw a long, tall, sophisticated drink of a lady.  with a dude in a striped sweater.  tory grace had ARRIVED!  tory is my younger son’s eastman’s age, she’s a sophomore at smith college and she had moved with her family from winnetka when she was in seventh grade to live in texas.  i am facebook friends with both her and her brother alex.  up until a few months ago, alex lived in chicago and i sort of assumed i would get to see him when my schedule lightened up a bit.  then he was transferred by his company to mexico city.  i’ve already been on a one day trip to mexico city and know i won’t get to see him before the new year–

tory told me a curious story that forms one of her most vivid memories of me:  she and eastman were in fourth grade and had both been sentenced to detention.  as we all know, detention goes on your permanent record and can bar you from later success in life.  when i came to pick up eastman, i offered tory a ride home.  she was very upset thinking that she was now on the fast track to failuretown.  i told her no worries.

“you’re tall, beautiful, and you’re going to be a supermodel when you grow up,”  i said.  “and i might as well teach you how to walk like a supermodel right now so you’ll be ready when your big break comes.”

in order to walk like a supermodel, cross your right foot over your left leg so that it's actually to the left of that leg. then pull your left leg out from behind your right leg and place your right foot to the left of your left leg. this method is approved by giselle!

 

apparently, tory and i practiced supermodel walking up and down the hallway of crow island school until somebody told us to go home.  it was with a heavy heart that i confessed to tory that i am not, and have never been, a supermodel.  but that’s okay, because tory is a art history, philosophy and museum management triple threat major.  she can be a supermodel whenever she chooses to be.

then i realized i had to get to the airport.  i had f2fb friend #275 dave gotaas taking me to the apostolic church of God at eight a.m. the next morning.  i had to rush.  i asked tory and her friend what they were planning to do since they were already in new york.  they said they were going to the museum of modern art.  i did something that i could NEVER have done january first of this year. . .

 

thank you so much victoria stone-grace for coming to see me in new york and being part of my new year’s resolution!!!  and if you decide on that supermodel thing, i’m happy to give you a refresher course on the walk. . .

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December 7, 2011

when young musicians play scelsi . . .

By arlynnpresser

at seven fifteen, f2fb friend #271 sheryl nussbaum and her crew were expecting one hundred preteen musicians.  it was the final rehearsal before the blowout, warmly anticipated winter festival 2011.  the gym at washburne school had been converted into a concert space for two orchestras and two choirs.  sheryl directs the orchestras, amy is in charge of the choirs.  they are assisted by aj keller and ben nadel.  and me? i was put to work guarding the halls and telling kids they couldn’t just throw their backpacks down on the floor and run, they had to put them next to the wall so as to not create a fire hazard.

“USE YOUR TEACHER VOICE!”  sheryl prescribed.  i think i have more of a “random adult who hopes that you don’t go home and tell your parents that i yelled at you and then i get sued” voice.

after the musicians were corraled into place, the sixth grade musicians tuned their instruments.  it was determined that fully four had lost their music–one young man his attention span, cello bridge AND his music.  nonetheless, sheryl was determined they should start with the first two pieces in the program.

i complimented the students--i said that generally natura renovatur by giaconta scelsi is one of the twentieth century's most difficult discordant pieces. turns out they were playing deck the halls.

i have always been on the other side of the winter festival.  and the jazzfest.  and spring serenade.  and all the different concerts that a parent attends during an average year.  it looked to me always that there was a little disorganization, as if, well, couldn’t the teachers get these kids to PAY ATTENTION!?  at new trier high school, where most of these kids will go and where my two sons played, there was discipline and determination, perfection, well fitted tuxedos and twenty dollar c.d.’s sold out in the lobby after a performance. there’s the solicitations for “angel investors” in the program and there’s trips to national competitions where new trier kicks musical butt.

for many of sheryl’s kids in fifth through eighth grade, this will be the last year that they can participate in a school music experience and not have their egos destroyed.  so she gets her student teacher to fix the bridge on the cello, she tells the kids who have lost their music that they need to find someone who does have music and make a copy in the principal’s office.  she sighs, cajols, begs, pleads, and most of all, leads.  this is seven thirty in the morning and by seven thirty this evening, she will have a winter festival with parents brushing away the tears as they watch their little bertrams and hermiones.  sheryl has a very long day ahead of her.

this morning, the bertrams and hermiones are a yammering, whispering, kicking, arguing, dithering, daydreaming horde.  if i were sheryl, i know how i’d deal with it all:

tonight i finally meet jessica zweig of cheekychicago.com and i pack for new york. . . as always i will be accompanied by f2fb friend #60 william clark who may be dead but he’s still good company!

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December 4, 2011

sites and stats for the beginning of december

By arlynnpresser

new year’s resolution december 31, 2009:  lose five pounds, give up demon rum, be nicer to my neighbor mr. radnor

new year’s resolution december 31, 2010:  to meet every one of my 325 facebook friends at least once in the calendar year

weight on december 31, 2009:  138

favorite form of alcohol:  champagne, white wine, just hand it right over

friends i have seen as of december 4, 2011:  268

number of friends who have defriended* me or deactivated their account:  11, two having done so AFTER i have seen them–one because their girlfriend found out they met me and the other for reasons that have nothing to do with me so nine are people whom i will not see this year.

number of friends whom i have defriended*:  2 and one is gilbert gottfried

weight on december 31, 2010:  138 pounds

weight on december 4, 2011:  140 pounds

length of time the “no alcohol” new years resolution lasted:  four days

number of friends who have become so famous that now i’m a “fan” and i can’t get communicate directly with them:  three

number of friends who are spambots:  six and i really really don’t want a new iphone.

number of friends who are animals:  one cat and one dog and i don’t think i should bring them together.  there is a large dog community on facebook that i have become aware of.

number of friends who are confirmed to have passed on (or become late, as long as we’re going to use euphemisms):  5

william clark is the american explorer most definitely dead since 1838. still, he is f2fb friend #60 and i "saw" him in princeton, new jersey. his biographer lanny jones is f2fb friend #59 and was our chaperone. briefly, facebook deactivated mr. clark's account on the basis that he was a "fraud" of some sort. my friend has been restored to facebook.

number of friends who just won’t respond to me, period, and i have to stop contacting them because i’m feeling like i’m being a stalker:  18

number of times i have been stood up by my friend in cleveland:  five and i’m giving up

number of times i have flown into los angeles and driven into san diego:  twice

number of friends i still have left to see in los angeles or san diego:  five (if you have any suggestions, bring it!)

number of flights i’ve taken this year:  39 (not bad for someone with a fear of flying)

number of flights i’ve taken this year without a ritual pre-flight beer or pre-flight ativan:  3

number of countries i’ve visited:  13

northern most place i have traveled to:  a layover at kotzebue, alaska on my way to nome, alaska.  i could have spoken with santa or russians but everybody was on their coffee break.

southern most place i have traveled to:  a layover in kuala lumpur, malaysia on my way to mumbai–i don’t remember much about malaysia because there was a heavy storm, a rough flight into the city, and there was wine available at the bar outside of the gate for the flight to mumbia.

number of overnight road trips (some as long as two weeks) in my car--14

new years resolution for 2012:  don’t know

will i finish this year’s new year’s resolution:  don’t know, but probably going to have to settle for an asian f.

in episode 3 of season 3 of glee, the character mike chang gets an a minus and his father attributes this "asian f" to mike's devotion to the glee club. my asian f will come about because of a combination of spambots, deactivations, defriending, and people just not wanting to see me--oh, and alex grace having the nerve to move to mexico city AFTER i had already been there.

plans for december:  a trip to new york which will last just about thirty six hours, a trip to the pacific northwest which will include british columbia, and two other road trips.

the person i was:  scared

the person i have become:  less scared

the person i would like to become:  138 pounds

question i have wondered this entire year:  are you really my friend?  or are you “just” my facebook friend. . .

*the new term is “unfriended” which makes it sound like the un-cola 7-up!

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November 25, 2011

you’re invited! to a pity party! in fact, you can just stay home because that’s where the best pity parties are!

By arlynnpresser

so the weekend before turkey day was actually quite a good one for f2fb!  i got to see f2fb friend #261 kristan schmidt who is the director of walkabout theater in chicago.  we didn’t see a walkabout production, instead we saw “ask aunt susan” at the goodman theater.  the goodman is great chicago theater.   they have several shows running on any one night, they have a bar and a gift shop.  they were especially hawking items for “a christmas carole” which has just opened*.  the goodman building had been a xxx-rated movie theater when i was a teenager.  now that there’s the internet there’s no need for that sort of theater.  ain’t progress grand?

my great grandfather fritz leiber, sr., was a shakespearean actor who often appeared in chicago. here, he is pictured on the movie set of "cleopatra" with his costar theda bara

kristan is friends with seth bokey the playwright and the show was terrific.  and very deep.  so much social commentary that i was a little lost.  after the play, there was a talk back session with the director.  i went out to the bar and got me and kristan a drink.  that’s when i discovered that it’s uncouth to bring your plastic glass of wine into the theater.  i felt like a late stage alcoholic.  or at least that people were looking at me like i was one.

it was great to catch up with kristan. she produced a play eastman was in six years ago. she has had twins since then.

the next night,   i went to the mary-arrchie theater to see the work of f2fb friend #262 carlo garcia who directed “red light winter”.  chicago is a town of great theater diversity.  the mary-arrchie is what some might call “storefront” theater or, to be very precise, “right over the liquor store” theater.  the door to the theater warned that “nudity, strong sexual content, violence, and drug use” would be part of the production.  it was a lot of sin to fit into an hour and a half and it got fit in quite nicely.  and i didn’t realize that the custom of the theater is to purchase a bottle of something at the store and forget glassware.  during the second act, one audience member dropped her cabernet sauvignon and the bottle rolled towards the actors.

tickets for red light winter can be purchased at maryarrchie.com and christmas carole tickets can be purchased at goodmantheatre.org -- please don't get the two plays confused!

but then i had a set back.  my sunday friend cancelled.  and so did the one for monday.  and wednesday.  sure, it was the lead up to thanksgiving and people’s schedules were tightening.  and then i think the worst thing happened:  the self-loathing kicking in.

i’ve made some mistakes with this project.  some that probably will make it difficult to finish this by december 31.   so i had a big pity party. . .

you're invited to a pity party! must wear pajamas. must not answer phone. must not go outside. must repeat "life is hopeless". exaggerate the importance of physical maladies. be afraid of everything outside of your house. and a few things inside your house.

it was my joseph who called me at thanksgiving.  it is an element of this pity party that neither of my two boys would be coming home for the holiday.  joseph said i was allowed the rest of the day.  then it had to stop.  eastman called me and repeated the same thing.  so today i am taking off my pajamas and wearing something else.  oh, and i have my lunch set up with f2fb friend #263. . . .

a pity party is easy to set up.  hard to take down.  but the first step for me is to forgive myself and open the front door.  the whole reason for the new years resolution is so that i don’t end up one of those reclusive old ladies with seventeen cats and a collection of all the winnetka talk back issues since before the last world war whose house no kid will approach for trick or treating.

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November 17, 2011

thank God it wasn’t paintball!

By arlynnpresser

if i ever move to a new town, i shall take a job with caribou coffee.  within a month, i’m sure i’ll have some friends.  it’s like creating your own facebook profile and friends list from scratch.  also, the pay is pretty darn good, especially when you add in tips (note to i.r.s. there are no tips) and why not starbucks?  oddly, it’s f2fb friend #256 melissa palka who gave me a good reason to not go with the seattle folks.

starbucks was named for the first mate in herman melville's novel moby dick

melissa explained that the rules at starbucks are a bit more rigid than at caribou.  for instance, a starbucks barista is expected to spend no more than thirty seconds interacting with a customer while still trying to establish a personal relationship that will make the customer feel loyalty.  thirty seconds feels like 140 characters–you need more than that.  melissa and i went to lazer quest to work off some caffeine jitters.

when i first separated from my husband, i tried really hard to make time with my sons be special.  it was a guilty parent move.  joseph would fire off all his rounds within the first thirty seconds and retire the field.  younger brother eastman would be quite aggressive but he had a backup that he wasn’t aware of–me–and so he took risks he shouldn’t have.

melissa is a wonderful gal but i think she had cased the joint before we started.  final score:  melissa 121 and me?  a negative 28.  and i fired several rounds into an employee who wasn’t too keen about it. the title of this post says it all.

later, melissa and i had a drink and talked about her ambitions.  she is in line to become a shift manager.  and from there, who knows.  caribou has a lot of room for ambitious baristas.

i drove home feeling pretty good despite the bruising score.  so i was surprised when i woke up the next morning with a case of “don’t go out of the house”. . . an anxiety attack that strangled me all day.  two ativan didn’t make a dent in it.  a hot shower provided no relief.  i watched several episodes of glee and that didn’t do anything.  i listened to a meditation tape.  i tried to walk to the workout room.  but i turned around after a block.  i was just too scared.

and it weirded me out because i kept thinking “i’ve been around the world!”  somehow i thought i had fundamentally changed.  it felt like defeat that i hadn’t.  later in the day, i forced myself out the door.  i walked towards the grocery store and on the way met jo caylor who is yes a f2fb friend but also someone from the neighborhood.  she asked me why i was shaking so much.  i started to talk, was pretty much incoherent.  she did what anybody should do to me when they see me like this.  she gave me a hug.

jo knows someone who is just like me, who gets out of the house even less than i did before i started this project.  i asked her what made this person so afraid.  and jo said “something bad always happens to her when she leaves the house, or at least, that’s what she thinks.”

maybe that’s what i was thinking yesterday.  maybe i just couldn’t think of what the bad thing was.

after seeing jo and walking around for a bit, i went to caribou and said hi to melissa!

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November 15, 2011

the high price of friendship is all worth it

By arlynnpresser

elizabeth gilbert got an advance from a publisher to finance a trip to italy, india and finally indonesia. she got a movie deal and found true love. oh, and probably enlightenment too!

 

americans don’t like to talk about money–how much or how little.  but some people have asked how i have financed this year of facebook friends.  and it’s pretty simple:  i saved a lot and i’ve tried to spend as little.  every parent with a kid getting a degree in film knows there’s going to have to be some “seed capital” as a graduation present.

“you’d want some creative input, wouldn’t you?”  joseph asked me when i offered him the money.

“well, yeah, a little, sure,”  i prevaricated.

i've published thirty three books and written two plays that have been performed in chicago. i can't help wanting to have some creative input. thank goodness i wasn't around when michelangelo was painting that stuff on the ceiling!

 

“then, no thanks, mom,”  joseph said. “i’m going to do something on my own.  no offense.”

and that’s when i realized i had just about enough to do this year of traveling and meeting every facebook friend.  i’ve also had help from friends and family, both those with facebook accounts and those who think facebook is a waste of time and an encroachment on their privacy.

i've also published under the name vivian leiber. sex scenes are actually harder to write than you'd imagine. i don't ever feel sexy afterwards.

last night, i went out with f2fb friend #254 jean huyler who used to work in a book store and also has worked in marketing.  she said “you have to think of this as a book”  and of course i do because, frankly, i’m not sure i know how to do anything else but write and play scrabble.  the market for scrabble players with no talent is rather limited. so i think i have to consider how to use this year to write a book–because i will most certainly be broke at the end of the year.  a high price, sure, but i’ve really had some remarkable experiences of friendship that could never have happened if i didn’t make that silly new years eve resolution!

jean is very relaxed, sitting with a glass of champagne in one hand. champagne is, after all, the reason God gave us two hands!

 

i told jean to find me a publisher.  actually, anybody reading this is encouraged to find me a publisher.  and diamonds.  you can look for diamonds for me, that’s okay.  any ideas, feel free to send them to me at apresser@hotmail.com or send a carrier pigeon.

jean and i went to the music theatre company founded by f2fb friend #255 jessica redish.  jessica has been in theater forever,but she hasn’t lost the ability to do other things.  founding a theater company means you learn to do a lot of things–fundraising, talent promotion, marketing.  we laughed when remembered that she had directed my younger son in the opera falsettos and his voice was changing.  luckily, james lapin and william finn used very modern music so you could hardly tell when eastman was offkey.  and when he croaked you just thought “wow, how very sondheim in a mahler kind of way!”

jessica would love to have you take a look at the music theatre company in highland park--just go to themusicaltheatrecompany.org

 

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November 7, 2011

dortmund might be a disaster, or just a distraction

By arlynnpresser

on january first, i went through my friends list just to get an idea of all the places and people i had committed to seeing.  i was puzzled by a few friends.  claudia was one of them.  she seldom showed up in the status updates and when she did, she wrote mostly in german–which i can’t understand.  we had two mutual friends — f2fb friend #140 ben gonzalez and #150 branden blinn.  ben and branden both had no idea how they were friends with claudia–i had accepted her friendship request on the basis of those relationships and to find out that they didn’t even know her was quite unsettling.  i messaged her, explaining the project and gently probed as to where she was and what our connection was.  i received no response.  i did this several times.  i was prepared to write her off as i received no replies. 

ben was sure that claudia was just being shy.  he instant messaged her.  explained the project.  and claudia declared that she “was uncomfortable meeting people”  especially ones she doesn’t know.  she was just as baffled as to why i was her friend as i was about why she was my friend.  she wrote to ben that her english was not good enough for her to feel comfortable meeting an american.  i communicated through ben that this was no impediment to friendship. 

over the course of several sessions of instant messaging, ben was persuasive.  she agreed to see me  in her home town of dortmund, germany.  but only on a tuesday because she got off work early on tuesdays.  that could fit quite nicely into the jigsaw puzzle of my trip around the world since i needed to be in dubai on either a friday or saturday to see f2fb friend #246 cecilia gigiolio.  claudia would meet me at the dortmund hbf rail station around seven o’clock on november first.  i reconfirmed with a message just before i bought my international tickets.  claudia responded that she was looking forward to meeting me.  i booked a flight from rome to dusseldorf, with a two hour layover in vienna, and studied the train schedules to find the one hour train ride that would put me into dortmund around seven.

the night before i was to meet claudia, i jumped on facebook to message her a reminder of our meeting.  i discovered she had defriended me.  and blocked me. 

i had a seat on a plane to luten, england from dortmund’s airport.  it was too late and too expensive to do anything else but head out from rome the next morning.

i waited, on the offchance that she would show up.  i even found myself looking at other people on the train platform, thinking someone would tap my shoulder and say “sie mussen arlynn werden”. . .

in the end, i had to take this as a loss.  no claudia.  no facebook meeting.  and no real purpose to being in dortmund.  except, of course, that the borussian soccer team was hosting greece for a match that would serve as an allegory for the problems of the european union. 

still, i sympathize with claudia.  i figure she felt overwhelmed.  didn’t know how to say no.  or nein.  and then maybe panicked at the last minute.  she dealt with the matter in a way that facebook facilitates very nicely:  if you are defriended by someone, you don’t get a sad face amongst your notifications.  you just have to find out on your own.  and because claudia blocked me, i can’t even message her that i’m sorry this didn’t work out.

still, travel requires flexibility.  there was dortmund.  they had a laundromat.  i really needed to visit that because joseph and i have been living out of my carhartt utility bag and a backpack.  and there was the dortmund hansmarket.  i tried my hand at roulette. . .

and i came across dortmund’s pride–the world’s largest christmas tree–being assembled in the city square.  the tree reminded me that there’s only two months left for me to make my goal of meeting all those who were my facebook friends on january 1, 2011.  if i pout, or feel down, because i have failed in one aspect of my resolution, i won’t have the nerve to succeed at what is still possible.  so i splurged and took a cab to dortmund’s airport.  and aimed for england and the last two facebook friends on this overseas adventure.

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November 5, 2011

rome sweet rome

By arlynnpresser

it’s hard to communicate through this journal  the speed of our travels.  on sunday we went from chicago to korea, landing there monday afternoon.  tuesday, we glided into taiwan, then the next day the philippines.  from the philippines to mumbai, where we spent a leisurely day and a half before hopscotching over to dubai.  less than twenty four hours later we were in rome.  but we often had internet connection troubles (damn that holiday inn express in dubai!) and my phone has given out.  my hotmail account is frozen for reasons i can’t fathom and frankly, we’re in such motion that sitting down to write an account of our f2fb adventure has been a bit difficult. 

in rome, i couldn’t help myself. i wanted to see the city of seven hills, the birthplace of romulus, remus, and pizza.  i read the newspaper accounts at breakfast in the hotel siviglia of the european economic crisis.  thinking on this, i went with joseph to the colisseum and the forum. looking out at the ruins, i  had an idea of a jobs project–mr. obama, are you onboard?

then there are the gladiators.  they accost tourists.   they wear full regalia, often with black socks under their sandals.  that surprised me as i don’t remember julius ceasar having an account with brooks brothers.  i asked about what i would see in the colisseum.

then it was time to dress for dinner with f2fb friend # 247 federico cenci and his beloved girlfriend marina.  at the hotel i logged onto facebook to confirm the next day’s meeting with claudia, a facebook friend in dortmund, germany.  oddly enough, on a per leg basis, the dortmund trip was the most expensive and intricate of the magellan round the world facebook trip:  an early morning train to the airport in rome, a two hour flight to vienna, a change over to a one  hour flight to dusseldorf, a two hour train ride into dortmund in order to meet her at seven p.m.

i tried to message her.  impossible.  facebook wouldn’t let me.  i checked her profile.  she had defriended me. she also now has a limited profile so that i can’t message her or write on her wall.   joseph suggested we stay an extra day in rome.  but i refused to accept that somebody would have agreed just three weeks before to see me, knowing i would be paying out benjamins and even telling me time and place–someone couldn’t stand me up that way.  besides, changing the arrangments would cost .  . . . much more. 

we went to dinner with fede.  his girlfriend marina is truly gorgeous.  i noticed that when italian women wear a scarf it is an effortless expression of chic.  when i wear a scarf it looks like i have stolen a table runner.  she also has the greatest hair.  and perfect skin.   everythng to make a dowdy over the hill fifty one year old get a little grumpy.  but she’s so adorable and so kind that i fell in love with her. just not in that “go to vermont” way.

fede had made dough for a pizza fest at their apartment but we decided on a real italian restaurant so we could be surrounded by real italians doing what they do best–drinking red wine, gesturing, eating, enjoying!

“you will find out that you were meant to go to dortmund for a reason,”  marina said.  “it’s just not claudia.”

and i had to remember that as i got up the next morning dashing for the train to the airport. . . . there are days i do not want to continued this project, days when i think this is absolutely ridiculous, days when i want to pull the covers over the head and stay . . . in rome!

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October 31, 2011

the customs of the country

By arlynnpresser

so my son joseph and i were at an airport.  we were at the gate and i realized that it was going to be a full airplane.  i grew up with mrs. patrick who always made me go to the bathroom before a trip.  even if the trip was to the grocery store.  she would have made me go twice for a trip across a continent.

in the ladies’ room, the women wore white cotton modest dresses, scarves and sandals.  one woman stood at the sinks and she filled what looked like a five gallon gasoline container with water from a hose attached to the wall. she poured a little of the water on the feet of the women who used the stalls as they came to the sink to wash their hands.  she occasionally added a little bleach to the water.  the floor was slick and slippery.  it took me several minutes of standing in what i thought was a line for the next available stall before i realized i was not in such a line because there was no line.  groups of women surrounded a door, made sure that every gal in their group took her turn, and then the stall was turned over to another group.  i have no idea what nerve i possessed to slip into a stall just as a regime change was being negotiated.

the floor of the stall was covered with water and in the middle of the floor was a hole.  i was stymied.  in deference to what i understood about the customs of the country, i had worn a pair of pants under my full length skirt.  i couldn’t figure out how to get out of my pants and squat over the hole without getting water all over my feet, my pants or my skirt.  and there was no counter to put my carhartts bag.  and what was i supposed to do with the hose that came out of the wall behind the hole in the floor?

that’s when i decided that airplane lavatories are actually quite spacious, clean, airy, and i will never, ever complain about a forest preserve port-a-potty again!

i left the stall but decided i should wash my hands.  the lady with the bleach water approached me.  i thought “black fabric–bleach–bad combination–even if she is a professional”  and also  i didn’t want to risk slipping and falling. 

there are a few things i have learned as a world traveler and here is one:  baby wipes are not just for babies.

“everything all right?” joseph asked when i rejoined him. 

“yeah, but maybe a little different,”  i said.

“hole in the floor?”  he asked. 

i nodded.

“i wondered when you were going to run into that,”  he said.  “and no, i’m not going to tell you about the men’s bathroom.”

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