Tag Archives: hell

the spiritual third grader gets a lesson

spiritually, i’m a third grader.  i believe in a God that has a white beard and is pretty pissed off at me most of the time.  i believe in a hell where it’s hot and smells like burning tires.  i believe in a Jesus who died on the cross for our sins but i have some sympathy for judas because without him there’d be no crucifixion.

one of the things i’ve really liked about meeting my facebook friends is that i get turned on to spiritual aspects of their personalities.   i’ve had two different experiences of laying on of hands by facebook friends–one in the christian tradition and one in the reiki tradition.  the latter made me feel like i was settling into a state of grace, but that was just because f2fb friend cathy mccormick and i were on manhattan beach and my heels were sinking into the sand.  i’ve been to services and meditations, i’ve heard people tell me about their spiritual quests–everybody tries so hard to make sense of the material world by reaching for what’s beyond it.

i often experience anxiety as a premonition of my own death.  and because God is up there in heaven so pissed off i’ve got a ticket to smell the sulfur and feel the flames.  and sometimes i think that the walls of my house protect me from God’s omniscience.  like if i’m at home, he gets distracted and starts being pissed off at someone else.

my f2fb friend #182 chris johnson is an actor, a father, a husband, a business owner, and a sunday school minister for the third, fourth, and fifth graders of kenilworth union church.  i went to one of the services and later, chris took me on a tour of the church.

chris is a perfect spiritual teacher for me.  he says i should just chill out.  there is a God, he created me and he loves me just as he created and loves everyone else.  and he knows we try our hardest.  it’s a message that he has to repeat every sunday in many different incarnations for the children he ministers to.  i have a feeling that i might need to ask him again for that message.  i only wish i could play catacombs too!

my fosters and one among many reasons i’m going to hell

after i got out of juvie when i was fifteen, i was sent to an emergency foster home in downers grove.  emergency meant i could only stay for three months.  but i needed someplace stable so i could go to college.  i’m not sure why i was trusted with finding a family.

this is denise.  she was my roommate at the emergency group home in downers grove.  many years later, i’d be at a diner and she was my waitress.  it was awkward.

i went to north philadelphia to meet with gwen, whose family i lived with for close to three years after the emergency foster home.   gwen has not seen her daughter in ten years but is negotiating a reconciliation and while gwen is supported by social security disability for the rest of her life because the lid of the trunk of the car she drove smashed down on her back, she works at creating a comic book adventuress jenny everywhere who can be seen at


this is holly.  for hours every day, she rocked in a chair placed directly in front of the speakers while listening to peter frampton’s first record.  she lived in the bedroom across the hall from me and denise.  i can’t stand peter frampton.

gwen and her partner maggie had similar life trajectories and the two of them connected on facebook in the mideighties.  you say facebook wasn’t invented yet?  ha!

we had dinner at their favorite chinese restaurant and the evening was over before i was able to accomplish what i had come to do:

okay, post ativan: