last night, i was feeling all cinderella–i was invited by f2fb friend #272 jessica zweig to a cheekychicago.com party at the stylish oak street shop calypso. cheeky chicago is a woman’s guide to the city and, according to the website, a cheeky chick is “fun, fabulous, and fierce. . . . chic, intelligent and in-the-know.” i needed more than a fairy godmother to transform me, but i put on the arlynn uniform of black skirt, black sweater and headed downtown.
i wasn’t sure how i knew jessica. i wasn’t even sure if i’d recognize her. but meeting new people doesn’t phase jessica–every month she’s doing what i’ve been doing this year, meeting facebook friends. she has over 2900 but she is very careful about whose friendship requests she accepts: she accepts only cheeky chicks (although our one mutual friend is f2fb friend #239 jim levin and i just don’t see him that way). she invites her friends to parties that showcase what’s best about the city: this evening it was a resort wear shop–there was a cupcake buffet and champagne that was only out-sparkled by the conversations of jessica’s friends.
but every cinderella has to wake up by the cold fireplace. which i literally did. the duraflame box was empty, it was six o’clock, and i knew that i am going to have an alec baldwin day.
i’m flying today. at the beginning of the year, just this statement alone would scare me. plane crashes. that’s what i worried about. these days there’s so much more. after more than forty flights (i miscounted at 39 a few days ago) this year alone in my quest to meet all my facebook friends by the end of the year, i can honestly say that alec baldwin is right: the airlines have sucked every possible pleasure out of the flying experience. and they are aided by t.s.a. who makes even six year olds and eighty five year old grandmothers feel like they are doing a perp walk.
i will be manhandled. i will have some gal with blue latex gloves feel me up. i’ll have someone snap at me with disdain. oh, wait, mr. baldwin didn’t have to go through that because he travels first class.
and at my seat, the porcine man to my right will take over the armrests while the woman on my left will cough up weird green matter. then the flight attendant will tell me i can’t put my bag here, can’t put my bag there, can’t leave my window open, and that tray table better stay up there even if it’s broken. of course, in first class there’s a little more room and the flight attendants put your bags away for you and ask you if they can take your coat as well. guess alec ain’t having none of that!
and then me and my fellow passengers will sit at the gate for half an hour. and the captain will say we’re leaving in fifteen and we’ll all know he’s lying. you never want to believe your captain is lying. at least in first class they get a drink. my preflight beer will have worn off and nobody is allowed to use the bathroom whether we slam the door or close it very very gently. uh, mr. baldwin?
but i’m doing this because this year i made a new year’s resolution to meet my facebook friends. thank you, f2fb friend jessica zweig for giving me a hug and telling me that i can finish this!!!!
p.s. mr. baldwin wrote an apology to his fellow passengers that you can read right here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alec-baldwin/american-airlines-service-_b_1135201.html?ref=entertainment&ir=Entertainment