Tag Archives: travel

September 4, 2012

invite me to your sorority initiation rites because i sorta know the alphabet

By arlynnpresser

when i was twenty five i shopped around for a therapist for all that ails a gal in her quarter life crisis.  anxiety, depression, panic attacks, a touch of the eating disorder.

me at twenty five. fifteen pounds lighter. damn, if i knew now what i didn’t know then, i would have ate more candy, spent my money on pretty dresses and drinks for cute boys, and wouldn’t have bothered with therapy, waxing kits or underwire bras.

so i tried a gestalt therapist.  interviewed a freudian.  did one session with a cognitive psychotherapist.  even got my chakras manifested.  nothing clicked.  nothing seemed particularly helpful.

when i went to a “blended” psychotherapist i remember he asked me a half dozen questions.  one of them was “who is your best friend?”  i said, well, it’s actually two people.  they’re married to each other and i can’t really separate them.  not that i want to. . . and they’re seventy-ish and they’re retired and well they’re like parents to me.  dick and vivian eastman.  he taught me english in college.”

the therapist put down pad and pen and stared at me in that woeful, soulful, doleful sort of way that therapists are wont to.

“don’t you think it’s a sign of a . . . problem . . . that you consider your best friends a couple who separated by so many years from your peers and . . .”

he didn’t get the whole question out before i moved on.  and i never found that perfect therapist.  and, sadly, both dick and vivian passed on a few years ago.  i felt honored that they considered me a friend.

i find it strange that american culture assumes you are friends with people who are roughly your own age.  your own grade.  and i have reached an age at which i am honored particularly by young than me people who consider me their friend.

this weekend i went to visit my facebook friend taylor jordan.  she is not even twenty years old and all the adjectives apply:  beautiful, enthusiastic, energetic, fun!  i am not her best friend but i am included in the circle of people she counts as that word.

i think my facebook friend taylor jordan (on the left) would consider taylor lufkin (on the right) her best friend! they are both in college–he’s going to be a writer, she’s going to teach. this is our wonderful future and i’m so happy for these two!

 

taylor was the eighty-fifth facebook friend i visited last year.  she is the granddaughter of my friend suzanne’s husband.  although i had often interacted with her in the context of seeing my friend suzanne, i had never really spent time with taylor as a friend unto herself.  last year, i went to her school in wisconsin to visit and discovered a way nuanced, intelligent, funny galpal. this year, i went to her school in central illinois.  next week, she is going to join a sorority, but first there’s an initiation rite that i tried to help her with. . . uh, well, maybe i’m not the friend you want at your side when you do that. . .

 

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August 21, 2012

they never call, they never write. . .

By arlynnpresser

. . . and they don’t text, email, post on my facebook page, invite me to their linkedIn network, tweet at me, instagramatic me, or send a carrier pigeon.  despite all the advances in communications, twentysomething sons just don’t communicate with their moms.  at least, this is what i’ve been advised.

i have a preflight ritual: as soon as i bolt away from the t.s.a. stormtroopers (uh, agents) i head for the bar, order a beer and text both my sons that the plane is about to take off and i love them. one of them almost always texts back “love you too” the other, meh, not so much.

 

some people say that if you’ve done your job well, then you WON’T hear from them.  that they’re independent.  i’m not so sure.

in any event, i was in st. louis to visit with facebook friend #327 daniel reyna.  he invited me to his home on a sunday afternoon for a dinner he would be making.  ordinarily, i wouldn’t meet a facebook friend for the first time in their home.  but for daniel there were two important exceptional circumstances:  he was inviting me to a family dinner and he has a limited comfort zone in which he operates without anxiety attacks.  also, i had a chaperone.

the reyna family is second generation mexican:  mrs. reyna, daniel’s mom, has nine siblings and her husband has a large family as well.  the reynas have five children including daniel and his twin brother david.  every sunday the reynas get together for an afternoon dinner.  while cousins are welcome, the five siblings and their significant others and children are the core of the meal.  the siblings take turns hosting and each host is allowed to invite an extra guest.  i was honored to be daniel’s guest.  and i was intrigued as to what he would make for us.  i was ushered into a kitchen and met the family.  the reynas are a boisterous group, five different conversations going on at once, and so many times was i asked if i wanted something to drink and ended up with three beers, a glass of wine and a soda in front of me.

i had been eating st. louis’ favorite specialty–fried ravioli–for two days. this dish is not exactly atkins diet material but this and a double i.p.a. is what i’ll be asking for when i’m on death row and the warden asks “what’s that last meal going to be?”

 

a small light meal of an antipasto platter, followed up by pulled pork, roast chicken, barbecue ribs, mashed potatoes, spanish rice, cole slaw, bread, baked beans, and daniel’s twin david had made chocolate pie and apple pie.  whoops, i forgot the louisiana bundt cake and ice cream sandwiches.

in addition to the reynas getting together for sunday meals, they also host a family olympics in the summer with egg tosses, races, and a pie eating contest.  they have a christmas talent show for each other.  they go to mexico every year–although daniel doesn’t go with because of his anxiety.  and they invent their own games, one of which–spoons–they tried to teach me.

i told mrs. reyna that she was so lucky to have her children with her and she said “the best present a mom can give her children is a family.”  she is absolutely right.

daniel was a bit shy about having his picture put in a blog post.  i never post pictures that people don’t want me to.  so i keep the picture in my cellphone.  it was late when i had to say goodbye and i didn’t really say goodbye.  i said au revoir, until we see each other again.  even if it’s on facebook.

later that day, i was on facebook and noticed a status update of one of my sons on my newsfeed.  with all the tools of communication, i think it just makes us MORE aware of wanting what the reynas have every sunday afternoon.

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August 12, 2012

in order to succeed. . .

By arlynnpresser

in order to succeed, a million things must go right.  in order to fail, only one thing has to go wrong.  i admit that on the morning of august ninth i was thinking there’s going to be that one thing today.  four friends coming together for lunch at laconda verde in new york city.  one coming in from japan.  one from brooklyn.  one from staten island.  and me?  i get lost everywhere.

i just didn’t think it could happen.

facebook friend #316 carolyn quinn woke up on that morning and had a completely different mindset!

on may 9th of this year, i met michele piersiak of staten island.  she is the 317th facebook friend i have met with since i made the new years resolution to meet all my facebook friends.  so often, we have friendships and partnerships that exist online, on the phone, on facebook or twitter or instagram–and it’s important to supplement those interactions with real time.

michele followed the progress of my resolution because she shares a characteristic with me–we are both agoraphobic.  we both have awful panic attacks and tend to look for our “safe” zone–and that zone can expand and contract.  in my case, it has expanded considerably because of my facebook project.  in michele’s case, she had been nearly housebound for more than a year because leaving the house affords too many opportunities for panic.   but she’s just too young and pretty and bright and with so much to offer . . .  it’s a darn shame to take that away from the world.

i’m a believer in tackling small goals and in doing so creating courage for tackling bigger ones.  for michele, a big goal is to become a doctor to help others with this condition.  a smaller goal was to have lunch at laconda verde.  i said if she could make it to the restaurant in manhattan,  i would fly out and take her there.  she’s been working on getting out of the house and this morning she would get on the staten island ferry.  we picked her up at the station.  she was accompanied by her boyfriend anthony.

michele did something that is really important.  she planned what she was going to bring.  as someone who now lives out of her little orange bag, i totally understand.

we got off the ferry and took a cab to the restaurant.  we were met by facebook friend #326 azusa watanabe who had flown in from japan a few days before.

the second most wonderful thing about lunch was dessert! the most wonderful thing was being with friends! after lunch azusa, carolyn and i went to have our auras photographed. michele and anthony went home to staten island. i think michele can do anything she sets her mind to!

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July 26, 2012

planes, trains, automobiles. . . but no ponies!

By arlynnpresser

on my birthday, i received from my son joseph (facebook friend 61) a somewhat mystifying series of packages.   two maps, one of the world and another of the united states.  and a package of pushpins.  the accompanying note made the usual references to candles, wishes, years, many more, etc. and then “you know what to do with this”. . . which i thought i did.  i unrolled both maps, took out the datebooks from 2011 and from this year.

before i made the new year’s resolution to meet all my facebook friends and connect/reconnect in person, i was riddled with anxiety about leaving my house or leaving the little village of winnetka.  i still am. i have used cars, trains, planes, buses to see my friends–but never a pony.  maybe i need a pink one!

my first trips were within illinois or to neighboring states of indiana, michigan, wisconsin, iowa and missouri. i had eight friends in kearney, missouri. still do! each trip i tried to be efficient–sort of like going to the dry cleaner on the way to the grocery store and stopping at the gas station on the way back.

sometimes people who are solitary, shy, housebound for whatever reason can use facebook and other social networking sites to keep in touch with their friends and family.  in my case, i used facebook as a substitute for being with my friends and family.

on thursday, october 13, 2011 i flew from chicago to anchorage and drove southwest to the tip of the kenai peninsula to meet facebook friend 233 christy russ. we drank elderberry wine and ate fish that came from the harbor. the next morning caught a flight from anchorage to kotzebue and beyond to meet facebook friend 234 ian coglan in nome. i was amazed at how many bars and tanning salons that town has. by eight a.m. sunday morning i was back in chicago.  it’s hard to remember that this state is four times as big as texas!

i finished with the pushpins and asked joseph what he meant.  he said “you need to write a book about this and you need to do it now.”  i said yes, i will.  i’d like to.  he said, “no, mom, i am serious. you need to get started.”  i said yes, i will.  he said, “i mean it, stop traveling for a bit and write this.”  i said i’m worried about whether i can find a publisher.  he said “you need to just stop thinking and worrying and just do it.”  i asked where did you learn to nag like this?  and he said “from you, of course.”

the best way to make a resolution to do something is to tell your friends and family and ask them to make you accountable.  whether it’s losing weight, stopping the love affair with the nicotine sticks or the bottle, or meeting every facebook friend.  so i am asking you–will you help make me accountable?

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August 25, 2011

miss f2fb #200 welcomes me home!

By arlynnpresser

when the boy scouts and i got to atlanta airport, i was worried that we’d have a repeat of the trip out from chicago–eighteen hours of rerouting, delays and drama.  but then i walked into the airport and saw something that made me realize i’d really be a selfish, spoilt brat to complain about anything.

these guys and gals were being deployed to afghanistan. i am so grateful to them for the sacrifices they and their families make so that i can live in peace

the flight itself was easy and i was looking forward to meeting f2fb friend #200–i feel this to be a huge milestone for me.  the southern trip also represented another strange surprise of this project:  the boy scouts (ben and branden) with their cameras wanted to take a side trip to meet my father justin.  justin was one of my first facebook visits (he’s f2fb friend #30).  there was a lot of drama at the last visit and i was shaking inside when we reached tallahassee.  if he had said i was an idiot, or if he had said nothing whatsoever to me, i wouldn’t have been surprised. instead, i really was shocked–

thank you to the very wonderful cinematographers kyle and caitlin!

in chicago, i grabbed a cab and headed for the university club of chicago where i would meet miss f2fb friend #200 elizabeth stein.  she is a dealer in stradivarius violins and non plus ultra when it comes to chic.  i came to know her because she is a friend of my ex-husband–they are both members of the university club–and indeed my ex-husband was so kind as to make arrangements beforehand to pay for our dinner.

liz greeted me as if i were a william shackleton returning from an adventure.  which was exactly what i felt like.

shackleton's ship endurance was trapped in the antarctic but he lost none of his men--i went to miami (accidentally), atlanta, tallahassee, and huntsville and we didn't lose anybody! except we got pulled over by chief j.e. wright of the coolidge, georgia police department. he gave us a courtesy warning.

liz and i dined on the twelfth floor outdoor gallery.  everyone knew her name–every waiter, every busboy, every guest.  because we were next to the balcony railing, i leaned a little towards the building just in case a strong wind should try to blow me overboard–i might have given the appearance of having bad posture.

we talked about beauty, since our meeting started with the language of women friends–“you look great!”  liz is beautiful, but believes she isn’t.  liz believes i’m beautiful, but i don’t share that belief.  we are roughly the same age and we were raised in an era that prized very thin lips (no collagen!), very small ass (kim kardashian? no way!), absolutely no tits and above all, a small nose.  beauty was twiggy–

i so wanted to look like twiggy when i was a kid! liz and i agreed that neither of us was like twiggy!

liz grew up with a lot of pressure to get a nose job.  the patricks who raised me were appalled at my appearance–deciding that my nose, in particular, indicated a possibility that they had been slipped a jewish child by the adoption agency!  a lot of gals our age got their noses changed to the “cheryl tiegs” nose.  no disrespect to ms. tiegs.

liz and i both agreed that our age gives us the right to say “i am exactly who i am”  that’s what this year has been about for me and i hope it’s what miss f2fb #200’s life is about!

i think we judge things and people to be beautiful if we like them. i like miss 200!

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August 3, 2011

santa cruz loses its guardian angel and i take a step backwards

By arlynnpresser

sometimes i like to think that this new years eve resolution has changed me.  made me less afraid of the world outside my door.  i’m getting on planes.  i’m driving heaven knows how many miles.  i have learned about people’s spiritual and personal lives.  i have hiked in the mountains and sailed on boats.  i’ve chopped wood blocks with my bare hands and opened champagne bottles with saber swords. i am what was once politely referred to as a bit “reclusive” but i was thinking as i pass my fifty first birthday and 184th facebook friend meet-up that i was all over that.

where i was at last week when i was a whole lot braver!

but sometimes i think i haven’t become anybody any braver than i was december 31.  this week, my house–which has always served as a “safe” place–came apart.   there was a heavy rainstorm and some of what i think of as the essentials of a home–hot water, power, air conditioning, a working washer and dryer–aren’t happening for me.  instead of making me feel like leaving, i have hunkered down.  isolating myself at exactly a time i shouldn’t.  i’ve been thinking about what’s essential for me and, frankly, air conditioning and a hot shower are very high on that list.  clean clothes would be cool too!

yesterday, i left home to visit f2fb friend #185 michael barth.  he used to work at the community house in winnetka and then he moved to santa cruz, california with his parents.  they had retired and he was working on a degree in forestry.  recently, they made the decision to move back to the chicago area.  michael came with them.  he is a caretaker to them but he has three essentials:  a job, a girlfriend, and an apartment of his own.

i told him i thought a job would have to come first so he could get an apartment and then the girlfriend would magically appear.  unfortunately, jobs in forestry are often meted out on the basis of politics–michael said that he’s gone on a number of interviews where the offer has already been made to someone.  as for an apartment, that’s tough because he serves as a caregiver to his parents although they are graciously offering to pay his rent.  and a girlfriend?  sometimes women don’t understand how necessary the task of caregiving is.

this morning i have scored an appointment with a heating and air conditioning professional.  the plumber is supposed to show up sometime tomorrow or the next day to fix my water heater.   i’ll get my essentials back.  i hope my friend michael gets his.

in the meantime, santa cruz better watch out–its guardian angel has flown away–

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June 15, 2011

again, i am friends with nonhuman!

By arlynnpresser

you are not actually “of Winnetka” until you have lived within its borders, preferably on the east side of the railroad tracks, for a generation or more.  my mere twenty years here is just that–mere.

i was pregnant with my second son eastman (f2fb #1) and i shepherded my firstborn joseph (f2fb #61) around a town of tudor architecture and new england sensibilities. in the window of the photography store was a display of pictures of their shopping bag on its travels.  you see, the shopping bag went to paris, went to london, stopped along the chinese wall, climbed killimanjaro, and sent back pictures.  winnetka residents announcing their summer vacations with a bit of panache.

one man even put together a book. .

the store thrives, despite the changes in what it means to take pictures.  i do everything with my cell phone and a flip camera.  the flip has gone from cutting to obsolescence in the space of a year.  still, the skalski family which owns phototronics works with every technology, holding the hand of every winnetkan who says “i don’t know how to make this picture come out of my camera and land in my email account”  peter skalski gave me a bunch of phototronic shopping bags to pose along my travels. . . .

i am facebook friends with phototronics (f2fb #152), one of several non-human friends.  i did not ask phototronics out for lunch yesterday, but i did take f2fb #12 andrew pearce because he wanted to look at a particular camera.  andrew is from bloomington, indiana and drove up so that he could plot out with me the second half of this facebook journey. . . .that was an entire anxiety attack all on its own!

i have a trip out to the northwest, two more trips to the northeast and again to california (where i hope to meet with brian brethauer because brian sure lives the furthest away from anybody i know).  i have the southern states–samuel scruggs, jonathan boyd, dale morgan–whom i missed because of the disaster in tallahassee.  and i have alaska and the rest of the world (except for mexico city which is well in pocket).

i am humbled to be fifty years old and have all the help i have been given. . . but then there’s f2fb #153 who reminds me that we are all just teenagers inside!

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January 8, 2011

face to facebook stats 3.0–missing persons

By arlynnpresser

this year, i will visit 327 facebook friends.  i will visit them in their home countries of italy, india, korea, burkina faso, canada, taiwan, mexico, nicaragua, russia, the united arab emirates, and england.  i will visit them in states as far west as hawaii, north to alaska, east to providence rhode island.

i’m missing some friends and while i’ve already sent messages to them,  if you know anything about where these friends are, please tell me.  aawagdy hakim, azanthiel moon, claudia close, janet mccauley, jeffrey jon smith, karl thelen, kristan schmidt, lisa menzel, liza roche, lori ray, lynn nguyen, mark bjerknes, rodger gerberding, samuel scruggs, and tamme perdue.

how often does this happen?  you meet a neighbor or a friend of a friend at a party and a day or two later you have a facebook request?  most of the times, when this happens, i click confirm and that’s sort of the last i ever hear of the person, except in news feeds about what they ate for dinner and links to articles in the wall street journal online edition.

i met kenny at a holiday party and we exchanged business cards.  and i got a facebook request from him soon after.  when i realized i didn’t have the hostess’ email address to send her a thank you note, i used facebook to email him and get her address.  when he heard about this face to facebook project, he stopped by to say hi before i hit the road.  i asked him to do a short video about pesticides because he is a sales representative for black flag pesticides.

but we sat down to chat and then three hours went by.  it was three hours unimpeded (nor aided) by the distractions of a menu, waiters, other people, atmosphere, calls, emails or texts.  we gossiped a bit, to be fair, but i learned about a man who has weathered some personal turmoil in a courageous fashion.

kenny says that friendship, whever it is found–on facebook, in the workplace, at a party–is like a box you choose to open.  i think i have to get another recycling bin because i’m going to have a lot of boxes when i open up all these friendships.  here’s face to facebook friend #5:

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