cherries in the snow

in the dark ages of publishing, which is to say twenty years ago when i sold my first book, an author had to endure rejection. . .and more rejection.  one’s manuscript went to a publisher, a rejection was issued, and the writer had a choice of a) sending said manuscript to another publisher or b) slitting one’s wrists.

really, this sort of correspondence can kill a writer's dreams but this is exactly the sort of stuff one endured.  again.  and again.  and again.

really, this sort of correspondence can kill a writer’s dreams but this is exactly the sort of stuff one endured. again. and again. and again.

 

these days, there’s self-publishing.  or what was once called “vanity” publishing.  it’s not that the self-publishing author is vain.  it’s that the self-publishing author is sick and tired of rejection.

i haven’t actually self-published my latest piece but that’s only because i have a very good friend oj dorson who knows how to upload or download or whatever it is that makes a story show up on the shelves, er, pages of amazon.com.  i also have a friend tony tyner who is killer at making cover art.

so i hope you go download this and read it and tell me what you think!  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DEQQZTW

so i hope you go download this and read it and tell me what you think!  it’s a heartwarming story about a funeral home, an ill-advised one night stand, and unrequited love.

 

so if you click here http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DEQQZTW and download it.  you don’t even have to have a kindle to do this!  and if you have stories you want to make available to others, you can do it too.  by yourself or with a friend like oj.

richard brautigan was a fabulous american poet and novelist who believed that there should be public libraries in which were housed one book by every citizen of the land.  this democratization of literature is exactly the sort of thing that self-publishing on the internet allows for!

richard brautigan was a fabulous american poet and novelist who believed that there should be public libraries in which were housed one book by every citizen of the land. this democratization of literature is exactly the sort of thing that self-publishing on the internet allows for!

 


narcissism and me

are you shallow and insecure?  egocentric?  imbued with a false sense of your importance and popularity?  maybe even, well let’s be fair, a jerk?  okay, the clinic term is narcissist and it’s a disease that is so tragic and profound that it doesn’t even have a celebrity spokesperson.

narcissus was a mythological greek dude who fell in love with his reflection in a lake and died because he just couldn't tear himself away from the beautiful sight.  narcissism is a catch all psychological term for anybody who thinks to highly of themselves or any one of your exes.

narcissus was a mythological greek dude who fell in love with his reflection in a lake and died because he just couldn’t tear himself away from the beautiful sight. narcissism is a catch all psychological term for anybody who thinks to highly of themselves.  narcissism also refers to the personality disorder of any one of your exes.

the university of michigan has released a study that concludes that social media sites like twitter and facebook draw in narcissists who want to bolster their fragile egos, control everybody’s great opinion of them, and post about what they are having for dinner.  study director elliot panek says that young narcissists opt for twitter while middle aged narcissists (a.k.a. jerks) use facebook.  

“young people overvaluate the importance of their opinion,” he says.  “through twitter, they’re trying to broaden their social circles and broadcast their views about a wide range of topics and issues.”

mr panek, there's ovulate, there's overvalue, there's evaluate.  unfortunately, there is no :"overvaluate" unless, of course, you have overvalued your . . . oh, never mind.

mr panek, there’s ovulate, there’s overvalue, there’s evaluate. unfortunately, there is no :”overvaluate” unless, of course, you have overvalued your . . . oh, never mind.

 

middle aged narcissists, according to this study, choose facebook.  slow, stately facebook.

“it’s about curating your own image, how you are seen, and also checking on how others respond to this image,” said panek. “middle-aged adults usually have already formed their social selves and they use social media to gain approval from those who are already in their social circles.”

okay, well, glad we cleared all this up for everybody.  young narcissists and middle aged narcissists . . . we gotta ask. . .

 

me?  i’m on facebook, i’m middle aged, i’m willing to entertain all diagnoses.

just in case you’re curious–as near as i can figure out elliot panek is a linkedin social media user.  wonder what that means?


shameless selfie fierce?

facebook, instagram, twitter, we call it social media but really it’s selfie media.  you post about what you had for dinner, you share the link to your favorite song, you opine.

the former nickelodeon actress and erstwhile fashion designer amanda bynes has been posting "selfies" -- pictures of one's self that often include one's hand holding the camera or phone.  amanda has been tracking her path of selfdestruction with twitter posts including increasingly bizarre selfies. she was recently evicted from her apartment in new york and arrested on drug charges.  there is some indication she suffers from schizophrenia.

the former nickelodeon actress and erstwhile fashion designer amanda bynes has been posting “selfies” — pictures of one’s self that often include one’s hand holding the camera or phone. amanda has been tracking her path of self-destruction with twitter posts including increasingly bizarre selfies. she was recently evicted from her apartment in new york and arrested on drug charges. there is some indication she suffers from schizophrenia.

this sharing sounds fierce, brave, and just an extension of being open and honest.  we share ourselves and, you know what?, this week we’ve been shaken to the core by disclosures that the obama administration is using over fifty companies to harvest information about everything we communicate.  if you have a verizon account, for instance, every message, every text, every phone call is potentially in play.  it’s gotta be pretty boring for government agents to sort through “whaddup?” and “r u around?” and “c u l8r!”

edward snowden, a 29 year old cia consultant, fled to hong kong with documents that outline the extent of our government's trampling of our privacy.  as he says  "I'm willing to sacrifice all of that because I can't in good conscience allow the US government to destroy privacy, internet freedom and basic liberties for people around the world with this massive surveillance machine they're secretly building."  he is quite aware that he has forfeited his freedom, the option to ever return home and quite possibly his life.

edward snowden, a 29 year old cia consultant, fled to hong kong with documents that outline the extent of our government’s trampling of our privacy. as he says “I’m willing to sacrifice all of that because I can’t in good conscience allow the US government to destroy privacy, internet freedom and basic liberties for people around the world with this massive surveillance machine they’re secretly building.” he is quite aware that he has forfeited his freedom, the option to ever return home and quite possibly his life.

 

so while snowden does his best to highlight how the government is peeking at stuff that might be considered private, the amanda bynes of the world are tweeting and posting and updating us on all sorts of things. . . .

a lot of amanda's tweets are about ugliness.  as in courtney love is ugly, jenny mccarthy is ugly, and that rhianna was beat up by chris brown because she is ugly.  weird, because amanda was really a very beautiful girl before she started posting and tweeting her transformation.  i'm glad she doesn't know me because i'm sure she would tweet that i'm ugly too.

a lot of amanda’s tweets are about ugliness. as in courtney love is ugly, jenny mccarthy is ugly, and that rhianna was beat up by chris brown because she is ugly. weird, because amanda was really a very beautiful girl before she started posting and tweeting her transformation. i’m glad she doesn’t know me because i’m sure she would tweet that i’m ugly too.

you can’t permanent erase this stuff and it is just so easy to issue the usual “don’t post stuff that you wouldn’t want an employer to see” or “everything on the internet is forever”. . . i’m sorta wondering about all those selfies i’ve posted on facebook.  i might be pissed off the government can spy on me but what do i expect?  i’ve made it incredibly easy for them.


finally, i am a winner!

i was so enchanted and excited to receive the following email this morning!  it’s from the facebook online international lottery and it just confirms what i’ve known all along–i’m a winner!

FACEBOOK ONLINE INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY
FROM: THE DESK OF THE PRESIDENT.
INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD.
BATCH NUMBER: FB-0281/544
SERIAL NUMBER: 99352748-2013
TICKET NUMBER: FB-172-60
CATEGORY: 2ND

The Entire Facebook Team are very happy to inform you that your name appear on the FACEBOOK ONLINE INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY and we are giving out the total sum of US$950,000.00 (Nine HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND UNITED STATE DOLLARS) which is what you have just won.

Your name was selected in a raffle that was made for the FACEBOOK ONLINE INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY for the new year 2013 with the lucky number (FB-225-7736) so we need your fast response so that we can proceed with the claim process of your winnings.

Your name was selected by Mr Mark Zuckerberg the CEO of Facebook (Founder & amp Chief Executive Officer ). The promotion was made to make all facebook users to benefit from the profit the company made while they use facebook.

Facebook is the first and ever largest means of meeting both old and new friend.

The promo was done to serve as a means of appreciation to visitors on our site and also to help people to fight off poverty and to maintain a good standard of living.

Kindly contact Mr. Thomas Charlse the General secretary of the FACEBOOK TEAM and appointed as your claims officer via this email (facebookclaimsdeptt61@live.com) immediately with the following information about you below:

Full Name:
Residential Address:
Private Mobile Number:
Age:
Occupation:
Marital Status:
Sex:
City:
State:
Country:
Zip/Postal Code:

As soon as he gets your email with all the information stated above he will tell you on what next to do as regards the claiming and receiving of your winnings of US$950,000.00.

Thank you and More Congratulations.

Agent Name: Thomas Charlse for CDAA

Get some Zero paid Gear FBI SCAM PROTECTED

Note: For security reasons and due to the mix-up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep this notification strictly from public notice until your claim has been processed and your money remitted. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming or unscrupulous acts by non-participants of this program. BE WARNED"

so the question is, what do i do now???

mrs. vander leyden’s glasses, (nearly) free literature and no english teachers

this past week, my friend and publisher oj dorson released the newest read–mrs. vander leyden’s glasses–on amazon.com.  you don’t have to have a kindle but it’s nice if you do.  you can read it on your phone, you can read it on a plane, you can read it in the bath.  but please, no reading while driving.

this read was published by oj dorson and the cover art created by tony tyner.  it is just 99 cents which is such a steal!

this read was published by oj dorson and the cover art created by tony tyner. it is just 99 cents which is pretty sweet and (nearly) free!

you can get this heartbreaking work of staggering genius (or just this story) at http://www.amazon.com/Mrs-Vander-Leydens-Glasses-ebook/dp/B00CQAQ6XC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369064472&sr=8-1&keywords=mrs.+vander+leyden%27s+glasses.

if you want an english teacher to demand that you do some derrida like deconstruction of the text, you have to order that separately.  i think you should just sit back and enjoy. . .

if you want an english teacher to demand that you do some derrida like deconstruction of the text, you have to order that separately.

deconstruction of text has been something i haven’t had to deal with in a while.  nor english teachers, not that there is anything wrong with english teachers.  generally, any love of reading didn’t come from an english class.  another thing i haven’t had to deal with in a bit is an editor wielding a rejection letter.

really, this sort of correspondence can kill even the best ambitions. shouldn't we do our best to avoid putting ourselves through this?

really, this sort of correspondence can kill even the best ambitions. shouldn’t we do our best to avoid putting ourselves through this?

 

instead, i just posted on facebook that i needed some help figuring out how to publish a story.  and oj appeared.  then i said i needed a cover.  and tony and oj put one together.  i can’t say i’m great at self-promoting. . .

in 2011 i had a new years resolution to meet all 325 of my facebook friends no matter where they might be.  then i wrote a book about it which has been published by tate publishing company.  i thought they had a publicity department and maybe they do.  or at least they have some gal who sends group email exhorting me (and presumably other tate writers) to get the word out.  the reclusive writer j.d. salinger wouldn't have survived this modern age.  on the other hand, he was said to have continued to write long after he had decided to not publish.  is it literature if you don't have an interaction between a reader and a writer?  uh-oh, that sounds like something an english teacher would  inquire about.

in 2011 i had a new years resolution to meet all 325 of my facebook friends no matter where they might be. then i wrote a book about it which has been published by tate publishing company. i thought they had a publicity department and maybe they do. or at least they have some gal who sends group email exhorting me (and presumably other tate writers) to get the word out. the reclusive writer j.d. salinger wouldn’t have survived this modern age. on the other hand, he was said to have continued to write long after he had decided to not publish. is it literature if you don’t have an interaction between a reader and a writer? uh-oh, that sounds like something an english teacher would inquire about.

 

 

 


immortality in five easy steps

it’s what the egyptians wanted with their mummies and their pyramids.  it’s what ponce de leon wanted with the fountain of youth.  it’s why vampires get weary, mostly because they’ve figured out that immortality is fun . . . for the first thousand years or so.

woody allen opined that he didn’t want to be immortal through his work. . . he wanted to achieve it through not dying.

eternal nothingness is fine if you're dressed for it. . . another fine quote from the man

eternal nothingness is fine if you’re dressed for it. . . another fine quote from the man

 

but what if physical immortality isn’t possible (well, actually, it isn’t possible but that’s another really depressing blog post)

what if instead of physical immortality you’re going to have to do it through good works?  you could found a a country, but that seems to be a rather crowded field.  you could write a heartbreaking work of impossible genius but that’s going to cut into the time you spend watching reruns of parks and recreation.  you could commit a major crime, which seems to be how some people are trying to do this, but that would break your mother’s heart.  and you don’t look good in an orange jumpsuit, trust me, nobody does.  so maybe you’re thinking immortality isn’t going to be for you. . . i’m here to tell you you’re wrong.  you’re going to be immortal.  sure, it’s in a literary sense, but that’s better than the big zero. and immortality is only going to cost you 99 cents.

steps to immortality:

1.  get comfortable in front of your computer.

2.  go to http://www.amazon.com/Mrs-Vander-Leydens-Glasses-ebook/dp/B00CQAQ6XC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1368534528&sr=8-1&keywords=mrs.+vander+leyden%27s+glasses

this read was published by oj dorson and the cover art created by tony tyner.  your little slice of the literary heavens will be available on amazon.com within a few months!

this read was published by oj dorson and the cover art created by tony tyner. your little slice of the literary heavens will be available on amazon.com within a few months!

3.  buy it.  read it.  and here’s the tricky part:  review it.  you can probably skate on buying it but reviewing it, gotta do it.

4.  i don’t care if you review it and says it’s great.  or lousy.  or that you couldn’t finish it.  or that you’re an english lit teacher and you’re putting me under citizen’s arrest for defiling the english language.

5.  i am now in your debt.  which means, i will write my next story about you.  yes, you.  which means that you become as much a part of literature as elizabeth bennett, holden caulfield, or that danish prince.  no guarantees on the quality of the work, but enthusiasm will be aplenty.

and if woody allen offers you a better deal, i only hope that you’ll tell me how he does it!

 


bang with friends

do you use bang with friends–the anonymous, simple, fun way to find friends who are down for the night?  well, if you do, maybe i know about it.  or maybe i don’t.

bang with friends is an app that sorts through your facebook friends list, looking for friends who are interested in a casual hook up.  if both of you are both  interested, bang with friends will put you in touch.   where and how you bang is up to you.

bang with friends is an app that sorts through your facebook friends list, looking for friends who are interested in a casual hook up. if both of you are both interested, bang with friends will put you in touch. where and how you bang is up to you.

it’s not the sort of app you want your parents or your coworkers to know you’re using.  ditto that ex-boyfriend whom you keep on your friends list because you want to check out his new squeezes–knowing you’re using the app would make you seem so . . . desperate.  bang with friends has been slammed by the clueless media outlets like huffington for letting everybody know just how desperate you are.  worst nightmare, right?  especially if it turned out you AND your parents were using it.

but media reports are quite wrong, with a caveat.  bang with friends automatically adjusts its privacy setting.  right now it’s set at “only me” being allowed to see that you’ve installed the app.  on the other hand, there are people who joined bang with friends before january when facebook graph search opened up everybody’s treasure box of apps.  that just means that if you installed this app before january and you don’t want anybody except that casual encounter you’re about to have to know that you’re using, you have to manually adjust your privacy setting.

or you could just not use the app, book a flight to vegas and see what happens.

 


sequestration explained


an invitation–short notice but heartfelt

i hope you’ll join me on wednesday april 24 seven p.m. at the book stall — 811 elm street in winnetka, illinois.  i’ll be pleased to share with you the first copies of the new book face2facebook, which you can purchase online at http://www.amazon.com/Face2Facebook-ArLynn-Leiber-Presser/dp/1625630816/ref=sr_1_cc_1?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1366634235&sr=1-1-catcorr&keywords=arlynn+presser

but only if you promise to meet me face to face later!

 


please!

i want you, yes you there on the other side of the internet, i want your creativity, your talent, your passion, your verve!  i want to collaborate with you in a special way:

this story was uploaded to amazon by my friend oj.  i want you to read it, review it, and help write its second draft.  click on http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00CE04WGW to find it.  oj, by the way, now qualifies as a publisher because he designed the cover and uploaded the text.  this for this next story, i want YOUR help!

this story was uploaded to amazon by my friend oj. i want you to read it, review it, and help write its second draft. click on http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00CE04WGW to find it. oj, by the way, now qualifies as a publisher because he designed the cover and uploaded the text. this for this next story, i want YOUR help!

 

so i have a new story i want to have oj publish.  but i’d like some cover art.  i’d like your cover art and what do i want to give you?

undying devotion

attribution on the cover and in the text

the chance to dedicate your cover art to yourself, a loved one, a pet

a thank you note from me (i’ll break out the crane’s stationery for this)

and the right to say “yeah, i spent last week working on a book” which gets you out of having to explain why you didn’t get your midterm paper written

 

so here’s what you do:  email me at apresser@hotmail.com or just leave a comment here.  i will send you a file.  read it.  send me artwork in the form of a jpg (at least i think that’s what oj would want).  we have a tight deadline so what are you waiting for?

 

oh, yes, i nearly forgot:

please