Tag Archives: f2fb

i’m late! i’m late! for a very important date–my son’s college tour with f2fb friend #168

 

 

 

 

 

 

from rhode island, i got on a commuter train to boston.  a short trip but an important one.  i was meeting a f2fb friend for the first time.  f2fb friend #168 mary mcmanus had worked with my son joseph on a film documenting her struggle with post polio syndrome.  mary had found the strength to run the boston marathon despite her health setbacks and she wanted to share the struggle with others so that someone somewhere, even just one person, could overcome their own struggles with courage they absorb from mary’s story.  the movie is “keeping the pace: the mary mcmanus story” and you can see it at http://marymcmanus.com/journey

just as joseph learned about mary in making the movie, mary learned something about joseph.  i had never visited him on campus.  it’s the sort of thing a mom is supposed to do–go to parent’s weekend or at least pick him up from campus in june or drop him off at the dorms in september.  i felt ashamed and so i was great at coming up with excuses but bluntly, i was too scared.  so mary gave me a gift two years after joseph’s graduation:  a college tour.

she showed me the dorm where he lived, the sandwich shop where he would get his late night snacks, the classrooms and the student union.  then i saw a church.  and i pulled out my camera.  we were such fast friends that we were making something we thought was funny!

of course, later that night, when i had taken the four/five hour train from boston to new york, joseph said “mom, i actually did go to church every week for at least the first two years of college”. . . . i felt like a jerk.

i share a lot with mary:  we’re both mothers, we’re both rotarians, we both have hit the glorious age of fifty (although it’s a little more fresh for me).  she has done amazing things with her life in the face of medical adversity.  i want to be the positive woman that she is!  maybe in my new years eve project, she’s f2fb friend #168, but she is truly a friend not just on facebook!

onward to new york, to see facebook friend steve ware.  i haven’t seen him in ten years and i am a little nervous because he works on the hit show jerseylicious.  i hope to persuade him that i would make a great addition to the cast.

before i left rhode island, i was reminded of my cousin meg showing me this picture in the train station.  she said it was the building over which superman flew in the christopher reeve movie.  she and her husband call it the doopyman building, not because they can’t pronounce the word superman but because my oldest son joseph couldn’t pronounce the world.  superman ice cream–a mix of  cherry, blue raspberry and orange, was his favorite–or doopyman ice cream was his favorite when he was four years old.


the front stoop moment

after f2fb friend #160 johnny bladez said goodnight, i prepared for bed and glanced out of the bedroom window to see that he sat on the front stoop, smoking a cigarette.  we had had some laughs and the two parties had been fun, but we had also talked a lot about the different challenges he was and is facing.  bad friends, bad relationships, bad choices, bad options.  i wondered if keeping him company would help and then realized, no, we all have to have the time to sit on a front stoop, smoke a cigarette and sort things out in our head.

i have made no secret of my early life.  being adopted when i was three.  a schizophrenic mother.  leaving home.  living on the streets (not very successfully).  foster placements.  juvie detention.  dropping out of high school.  bad friends, bad relationships, bad choices, bad options. 

but somewhere along the line i had the sitting down on the front stoop.  i’m not sure if i smoked a cigarette.  and i had said all that i had to say about that moment to johnny. 

a facebook friend joan asked me about that front stoop moment for me.  because i did turn things around.  i went to college.  then law school.  got married.  had kids–neither of whom has shown up on the police blotter, i’m happy to say.  it was no idle question for her.  joan works with native american children in north dakota who are at risk.

i sent her a three hundred page autobiography last night.  she read it last night.  while i puttered about the house.  while i looked outside the window again and knew that johnny was walking home.  while i slept and while i woke up to go bike riding with f2fb friend #161 lee padgitt. 

lee is in rotary with me.  we are both fifty years old and we’re realizing that we’ve made the choices, we’ve done what we can with our options.  we’re pretty settled that we’ve done pretty all right.  and we’re treating ourselves a little at the midcentury mark:  i’m meeting my friends and lee is spending a lot of time riding his bike.  he and his wife have three children who are still at home, but soon he will have long bike rides to take. . .

my friend joan read the book and sent me a note that read in part. . .” It was painful for me to read and yet I couldn’t stop reading it~It’s perfect and horrible and humbling.  I’m honored that you would allow me to share your pain and I urge you to get it published.  I beg you to have it published.” 

i would like to believe that my front stoop moment could help anybody else.  and i hope that my jumping out on this year long adventure will help anybody else.  but mostly me.

lee and i rode through the botanic gardens and then we had to high five on life and say goodbye!

lee often rides in the botanic gardens and showed me beautiful flowers, like these alliums.


chris treiber introduces me to his first love

some facebook friends are just that–facebook friends.  some are people you’re close to emotionally and you keep in touch with videos and pictures and snappy movie quotations.  but some facebook friends are with you every day. . .

i see chris treiber every day.  he works in winnetka at the community house where i lift weights and run on the treadmill.  the weight room is in the lower level and i have a brief anxiety attack about going down into the basement to lift.  that has never left me and i’m not sure why.  so i only lift weights a few times a week. 

chris has to go to the weight room every day, training people–a lot of his clients are people who are recovering from injuries.  he said about this project that he wanted to introduce me to his first love.  the mystery was compelling:

i declined to try the tree.  interestingly, this house where chris grew up was built by his grandfather and chris’ mom still lives in it.

chris grew up in this house and climbed on the garage so that he could glimpse his first love

chris grew up when kids didn’t have “organized sports” — you just went out and played.  but chris now trains kids at basketball camp on the side.  he taught me to do a layup.  i’m not going to be recruited by uconn but i did okay.

think about the friends you see every day.  should you spend more time with them?  i’m about to head out to ohio to see a friend i haven’t seen in three years.  without facebook, i think that friendship would have withered and died.


i am one half of doug nash’s facebook population and who is aloha lester?

i first opened a facebook account when mark zuckerberg allowed regular folks–i made friends with my two sons joseph and eastman.  and then suddenly, the friend requests started coming in.  i was popular!  which certainly wasn’t the case when i was a teenager.  i accepted promiscuously.  the guy who worked at the hardware store.  the mom of the girl that eastman went out with in eighth grade.  the gal who might have sat behind me in freshman world history.  . . or maybe i’m confusing her with someone else.  and then there were people i didn’t even know–aawagdy hakim.  i had no idea who this guy or gal is. all of the profile is in arabic.  but still, i get requests from aawagdy to play pirates versus ninjas, then mafia wars, then farmville.  my facebook new years resolution to meet all my friends is certainly going to be as much of a surprise to aawagdy as it already has been to me!

doug nash and i went to high school in naperville (although i, of course, dropped out).  i might remember him.  he might remember me.  we probably have confused each other with somebody else.  but we’re facebook friends.  in fact, i am exactly half the population of doug’s facebook friends list.

that’s because apparently i persuaded him to open up a facebook account because i said it was a good way to monitor what his children were doing.  they’re young but if he already has an account, they can’t very well tell him he’s not allowed to have a facebook presence and he might even have the moral high ground to demand that they let him be their friend.

two rules for parents who are facebook friends with their children:

1.  never comment on a status or a public post

2.  don’t look at photos your child has posted or is tagged in.  it will only upset you to see your little darling passed out with a four loko drink in her hand and “slut” written across her forehead.

doug and i live in adjoining towns and run into each other a few times a week.  we sat down and talked about the upcoming end of the world, what our families are doing, the wonderful story of how he met his wife shelly, and his job, which is to read.  doug is a trader and spends three or four hours a day reading the news, looking for how the market is going.  he can do it in his pajamas at home.  lucky guy.

doug is f2fb friend #126.  i am doug’s f2fb friend #1.

“you only have one other facebook friend,”  i pointed out.  “who is aloha lester?”

“i have no idea,” doug said.


f2fb #114 and when am i getting my modeling contract?

in every community theater production, there is the fantasy:  that the nondescript man in row three will turn out to be a new york producer who has found himself with nothing to do for an evening as he ambles across the country on some business errand.  he is enchanted by the plumber’s rendition of henry higgins if they’re doing my fair lady.  or he’s smitten with how the head of the girl scout troop sinks her teeth into the “who’s afraid of virginia woolf”.  a note is sent backstage during intermission:  would said plumber or said girl scout troop leader consent to be part of his new production, an avant garde rendering of music man to be premiered at carnegie hall?

no one ever says it.  everybody in community theater says they’re doing it just for fun.  but truly, everybody would like to be discovered.  i would.  damnit, i’m still not sure why an agent from the ford modeling agency hasn’t approached me as i wend my way through the produce section of lakeside foods.

well, i’m here to tell you that the whole “discovered while doing community theater” thing happened to eastman when he was doing lost in yonkers for winnetka’s community theater.  and the new york (well, okay, pittsburgh) producer was ken kaissar.  ken was bringing the play “ritual of faith” to chicago and when he saw eastman onstage, he wanted him.

the play may have been a bit of a, well, ahem, critical and commercial failure, but eastman loved it because he got to go downtown every evening, stay up late, hang out with other actors and drink slurpees every intermission.  can’t beat that when you’re nine.

ken went on to other shows and right now is doing his own play “the man stanley” at the walnut street theater in philadelphia.  it opens june 14 and is part of a partnership called “two guys making theater”.  you can take a look at http://www.twoguysmakingtheatre.com/TwoGuysMakingTheatre/Welcome.html

facebook has allowed us to keep up a bit but it was the first time ken and i had seen each other since the play closed.  we had lunch at ted’s montana grill in philadelphia’s theater district!  oddly, nobody stopped me on the street and said “hey, are you signed with a modeling agency????”

tomorrow, an account of the one meeting i feared the most on this eastern seaboard trip!

on friday, i’ll be seeing the drowsy chaperone, a piece of community theater that is going to surely produce some great stars–it’s produced by my friend nancy flaster!


Godspeed to f2fb #113 on her biology finals!

. . . and a present for jay from indianapolis.

i have only met lynn nguyen once before, when her family came from pittsburgh to visit her uncle tom and his friend dirk (f2fb #103).  she was in eighth grade, self-possessed, gracious, and didn’t seem to mind that i was ancient.  although, to be fair, i was only 45 years worth of old. she has a younger sister who is about to enter denison college (hey, eastman, oberlin’s not that far away–you could be a gentleman and see her!)  the nguyen father is a carpenter.  the nguyen mother is a seamstress.  she wanted to try to make me a traditional vietnamese wedding gown, not that i’m getting married but the gowns are gorgeous.  unfortunately, she just couldn’t believe myh measurements.  when the dress arrived, the twins were unable to be accommodated.  i could be the pamela anderson of ho chi minh city if i wanted to!

today, lynn is studying at the university of pennsylvania.  her major is visual studies but the all important minor is pre-med.  she knows she will not practice in the united states because she says medicine today is about politics and not about helping people.  instead, she wants to go to a third world country where her skills and her compassion will be put to best use.  i was surprised that her view of american medicine is one that is shared by a number of people.  i really admire her commitment.

speaking of that commitment, she was studying for her biology final but she took some time to show me the campus.  we ended up at the robert indiana sculpture “love” which reminded me of the day that jay schwandt (f2fb #38) went to the indianapolis art museum and saw robert indiana’s painting of the same design.  jay bought me a refrigerator magnet of the same sculpture.

i wished lynn well on her exams and begged her to see me in chicago when she sees her uncle tom next!  then she reminded me that tom knows how to get the best flights, the cheapest rates, and that all her family makes tom book their flights.

HELLO TOM!

then it was onward to northern philadelphia where i took a room at the king of prussia hampton inn.  i was promised a nonsmoking room but when i entered the room i thought maybe a gang of young thugs had decided to host their monthly budget meeting the evening before.  i called the front desk just because i didn’t want to get charged the two hundred dollar “clean up” fee for smoking in a room.  i have a terrible fear of being blamed for things i haven’t done.  leave it to steve at the front desk, who not only comped the room but set me up in the hilton honors program.  go steve, employee of the month!


rita bowman, quiet superheroine!

my biological parents justin and aleta raised me in a typical young married fashion:  justin was in school, aleta took some work to pay the bills and they looked forward to a brilliant future. 

according to aleta, justin persuaded her that the brilliant future wasn’t going to happen if they kept me and so when i was about to turn three, they went to the children’s home and aid society of chicago.  there was a six month waiting period after i was accepted by the patricks.  sometime after that six month period, aleta and justin broke up.  they divorced about a year later.  here’s aleta in a picture taken sometime in the seventies.

i was raised by the patricks until i was fifteen and ran away from home.  when i was twenty five i found both my father justin and mother aleta.  justin was a professor at the university of houston.  aleta was a part time freelance public defender in washington, d.c.  she was a lesbian coming out of a relationship with a woman who had undergone sexual reassignment surgery.

aleta had no contact with her two sisters and her mother alyce.  she described alyce as evil.  alyce had been raised in an orphanage and was stunned when, as she turned seventeen, her mother reapeared and wanted to resume a family relationship.  alyce married very soon after, had aleta, lost custody of aleta to her mother, and then regained custody before moving on to husbands number two, three and four.  i was in contact with aleta for several years before aleta cut things off–i was paying for her health insurance and discovered that aleta wasn’t using the money for that purpose.  i have no idea whether aleta is alive or dead.  then i got a big surprise from a stranger. . . .

alyce collects dolls, and at one point had well over four thousand of them in her house.  now she lives in a manor house run by the methodists and she can only keep about two hundred.  i brought her a sparkly princess belle doll.  she likes to talk, and probably feels pretty lonely when there’s no one around to listen. . . .

so she told us about when she raised a tiger in georgia before it went crazy and killed a whole bunch of people and alyce was forced to ship him back to kenya and he cried.  she told us about being a weather girl for wgn television and how she was given a police escort when it snowed so that she could get to the studio.  she told us about her years working in the circus as a clown.  she told us about how the helicopters touch down on the roof of a nearby hospital when they bring in patients and the pilot always buzzes manor house so he can wave to her because he knows her as somebody who ran civil defense.  and some of this that she says is true and some of it is just to entertain us so we will stay.

i couldn’t have a relationship with alyce without rita and her husband bruce bowman helping me.  they are good people, the sort without which a small town can’t survive.  volunteering at the fire department, raising their daughter mandy, keeping active in their church, and helping alyce blum have a granddaughter arlynn.


i meet the Defender of the Caregiver

everybody will be a caregiver to someone.  a grandparent, a child, a spouse who has a longterm disability or illness.  but who takes care of the caregiver?  f2fb friend #111 lon kieffer has written a book, given countless talks, and touched people’s lives with one simple message:  that someone who is a caregiver has to make sure to take care of themselves as well. he is the superhero defender of the caregiver.

when i caught up with him in his delaware paradise he shared with me the news about his radio show!

in my divorce agreement, there is a specific written provision that in the event that my ex-husband were to become mortally ill, i promise to become his primary caregiver.  i know is something were to happen to my sons joseph or eastman, i’d be there every day.  i have other people in my life who, were they to need my caregiving, i’d drop everything–even this project–to care for them.  i was a secondary caregiver to my friends the eastmans in their final few years.  and this project has taught me that one day i will be a caregiver to my father justin–and that day is approaching fast.

what about you?

lon works at a nursing home in delaware in order to keep in continued touch with the field of nursing which is, of course, the profession of caregivers.  but he makes sure to walk down to the edge of his property and take his boat out on the nanicote river every evening after work.  sometimes he fishes, sometimes he has dinner with other “river rats” along the way, sometimes he hosts parties on the water, and sometimes he just sits back with a cold one to let the troubles of the day wash away.

i caught some seaweed, a lure, and a log!

i first met lon when he was a caregiver at the nursing and rehab center my grandmother alyce stayed at.  she adored him because he would sit with her and listen to her stories.  sometimes people just want to be heard.

if you want to reach lon, if you’re a caregiver feeling a little stressed, he is happy to hear from you.  find him on facebook either by searching for lon kieffer or defender of the caregiver.  and you can also find him at http://www.lonkieffer.com/

next up, i visit grandma alyce and hear the story of how she and i met for the first time when i was in my early forties.


f2fb friend #107 has her own intentions about the year. . .

i am shaking as i write this because i’m about to start on a nine day barnstorming friend trip throughout the eastern united states and i can’t get myself to leave the house.  there’s a storm out there.  and i’m pretty sure i’m having a heart attack or a brain aneurysm or a nervous breakdown all at the same time.  but i have an intention, a new year’s eve resolution made in haste without regard to consequences.

at least somebody is packed and ready to go!

my friend laurie carver is someone i only see at parties or when she hosts her cabi line of dresses.  she has been a businesswoman for many years and i was surprised when she told me about her new bracelet.

i have been hearing again and again of people looking for love and i don’t think that urge leaves us until our last breath.

laurie and i grew up with the feminism of gloria steinem, ms. magazine, national organization for women, breaking that glass ceiling, power suits.  so i was really surprised at what she had to say about men and women.

laurie is someone i’m going to be checking back in with.  because if that bracelet brings her intention to fruition, i’m going to want one that will give me courage.  me and the lion, who sings

What makes the muskrat guard his musk?
Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder?
Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder?
Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the “ape” in apricot?
What have they got that I ain’t got?

Courage!

there is just one thing i have to do now–get in the damn car!


elizabeth taylor: dead movie star, banker, graduate of birmingham southern college

elizabeth taylor is an oscar winning actress who is coincidentally dead and my facebook friend.  oh, wait.  that’s not my facebook friend.  my elizabeth taylor facebook friend is, as far as i know, a darn cute redheaded banker who fills out a st. john suit and a mortgage application with equal aplomb.  oh, wait.  that’s not my facebook friend.  my elizabeth taylor facebook friend is–i don’t know!!–a graduate or at least studied at birmingham-southern college and i am exactly fifty percent of her facebook friends.  her other friend is keith d. thompson who is a pastor at the first united methodist church (i’m presuming birmingham) and he’s married to linda.  you might very well ask.  well, i’ve asked.  who’s keith?  who’s linda? where is birmingham southern college?

uh, oh, alabama.  i’m going to huntsville to see sammie scruggs and jonathan boyd (facebook friends number __ and __) but that’s about an hour and a half away.  i’ll do it.  maybe.

the elizabeth taylor i know (the banker, not the dead movie star) never responded to my little videos, my “you might like this” posts, my invitations.  wow, was i surprised.

so i have to ask. .. .