Tag Archives: f2fb

February 22, 2012

checking in with a facebook friend . . .

By arlynnpresser

yesterday, i went to coldwater, where i met f2fb friend #294 molly parshall.  she was with her husband jeff, who is my f2fb friend #300.  molly last month made a commitment to change some things about how she lives.  namely, how she stays in her house.  she is a smart, motivated woman who is going to one day change the world.  but right now she’s just about changing herself.  this is how she took charge of things a month ago. . .

 

from a distance, using only facebook and an occasional phone call to check in, i wasn’t too sure how molly was doing.  i think she had focused more on sharing with me the times she hadn’t been able to do what she set out to do rather than on how much she’s actually done.  i was really wowed when i came to the parshall home on the river’s edge.  she was so happy and cheerful and i got to meet jeff for the first time.  jeff works at the local foundry but had the day off.  i took a chance–i asked to drive with her and jeff to the train station.  we got there.  yeah, sure, she had a big anxiety attack and we had to turn around, but we made it to the station.  i’m so damn proud of molly and i’m so amazed at the love and support of her husband jeff.

after we got back from the train station we three walked down to the river in back of their house. i can't wait for the day when molly and jeff visit me in chicago!

 

the afternoon was a delight and i left with a huge smile.  but i had the ohio turnpike to contend with.  and that is no fun whatsoever.   now i am napping in a hotel in ohio before making the push to drive into pennsylvania. . .

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February 16, 2012

my drinking is under control, it’s the technology. . .

By arlynnpresser

a facebook friend sent me an article warning that facebook (and twitter and all the other ways we communicate) are more addictive than tobacco and alcohol.  i absolutely concur.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9054243/Facebook-and-Twitter-more-addictive-than-tobacco-and-alcohol.html

this morning i am on the road to see f2fb friend #298.  i’m not sure exactly what she looks like because she plays with her profile pictures a lot.  so do a lot of people.  last i saw, she looked like this:

i'm figuring lionel richie isn't actually my facebook friend under the name colleen, but i could be wrong. . . i'll definitely make him sing "all night long" to me in bill's toasties diner where we're supposed to meet!

this morning i discovered that something i’m highly addicted to is dead.  namely, the battery on my cell phone.  i overcharged it.  i don’t have a phone.  i don’t know colleen’s number because it’s stored in my phone.  i can’t take a picture when i see her because my camera is in my phone and my next stop and my next stop after that . . . ?  in my phone. my relationship with my two sons who live far away? in my phone (well, not exactly, but you know what i mean)

before cell phones there were phone booths where clark kent would change into his superman togs and teenagers would breathe heavily into mouthpieces. today, abandoned phone booths are used by old men who duck into them in order to fart. it is an acknowledged wisdom born of age which says a man, unlike a child, should never run away from his farts.

one of the things i’ve learned this past year and almost two months–flexibility.  i’m going to need a lot of that today. . . .  and a verizon wireless store!

so i gotta ask you:

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January 30, 2012

thomas hobbes or calvin and hobbes–i make it to boston for a surprise

By arlynnpresser

so the boston trip to see a facebook friend looks pretty uncertain as i head for o’hare on sunday morning.

i sorted out with the t.s.a. that even if my ticket said ‘arlynnmissl”  that’s the same as “miss arlynn l” and then they STILL wanted to feel me up!  i got to ride first class for the first time because of my facebook friend tommy chang  who took my steerage ticket and upgraded me.  i felt like a princess when the flight attendant asked if he could hang up my coat.  but i was still uncertain as to what i would find in boston.  would i have to just hang around until my flight home?  would i visit lisa in the hospital?  would i find her at her home?  was i an intruder?

i get very bad anxiety attacks when i leave my home.  well, hell, sometimes i get them when i’m in my house too.  but i’m an avoider, an excuse maker, a “sorry i’m busy” person.  i want to be social, i want to see the world, i want to be out there, and yet what holds me back is the anxiety AND the certainty that i’ll have an anxiety attack and totally embarrass myself or lay myself open to the Hobbesian truth that nobody cares about anybody else.

thomas hobbes was a seventeenth century english philosopher who thought people had not one bit of love for one another. this is not a picture of thomas hobbes, but rather of the cartoon character from calvin and hobbes. if i have an anxiety attack in public, i assume that thomas hobbes will be proved right. the world would be a nicer place if the cat hobbes were correct.

 

i have tried drugs, therapy, more drugs, more therapy, drinking white wine, more drugs, more therapy.  a friend sent this article about lexapro which is a drug i have tried for anxiety attack.  most drugs, by the way, make me gain weight so i end up not taking them.  also, they’re not particularly effective.  so when i meet a facebook friend who is an adult with this condition suffering for a long time, i don’t judge.  i assume they’ve tried all the same things i’ve tried and found them just as ineffective. . . .  but this writer has a different story:

 

so now i am in boston, and just a few hours from meeting with my facebook friend lisa tabbi-fuller.  it was her birthday yesterday.  i hope today is the beginning of a really fabulous year!  and it’s going to start with us doing the thing that scares her the most. . .

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January 17, 2012

the facebook friendship danger

By arlynnpresser

“aren’t you scared of meeting your facebook friends?”

i have heard that question so often that i sometimes don’t give it the attention it deserves.  certainly, meeting a facebook friend whom you’ve known for years poses few dangers.  meeting a facebook friend who is a relative even fewer (except for possible crying jags).   the gal you sang in the church choir with but moved to st. louis?  please!  but what about facebook friends you’ve never actually physically met?

kathryn barnes went to wales to meet some new facebook friends and she was last seen at swansea's high street train station on january 4. while all her contact information has been stripped from her account, facebook of course would still have it. her mother is frantic. if i were her mother, i'd be frantic too!

 

the short answer to the question of whether i’m afraid is no.  the reason is that every time i meet a new facebook friend, i bring a chaperone.  during the past year, i have never taken a trip without someone there.  preferably someone who knows how to drive at night (i’m not great at it) and can carry my bags if necessary.  having the initials joseph leiber presser certainly helps as well–and my son is a wonderful chaperone and once shooed off a facebook gentleman friend who entirely misinterpreted the nature of my new years resolution.  it was “arlynn meets all of her facebook friends” not “arlynn does all of her facebook friends”. . . the chaperone who took me to mexico city was a captain in the u.s. army, twenty six years old, nothing romantic going on but he was determined i would make it there and back.  the first thing he did when we got there is something i think all american travelers should consider–he walked me from the hotel to the american embassy, making me memorize the landmarks along the way and everywhere we went in mexico city, he referenced where we were in relation to the embassy.  it seemed paranoid but really, he knew that if we ever got separated or if something disastrous happened, i was heading straight to the embassy and asking for a cheeseburger and an american flag thermal fleece blanket!

having a chaperone usually doesn’t cause a problem.  we all understand the world is a place that contains a few crazies.  sometimes i think my facebook friends have come to like my chaperones.

blaise pascal was a mathematician and philosopher. he'd probably wager that having a chaperone is unnecessary but that the horrors of the damage created by the one time i would need a chaperone are so great that i was wise to just use one every time. he had some stuff about atheism, God and hell along the same lines.

 

i have had facebook friends who are within such a geographical distance that i have made exceptions.  for those facebook friends, the rule has to be public place.  must meet in a public place.  and in those circumstances, i always let someone know where i was going and with whom and for how long.

caribou coffee is the second largest retail distributor of coffee in america (guess the first and you'll win a prize). coffee shops were created for the purpose of meeting people. use them!

 

there were a few facebook friends from the previous year who insisted on the absolute forbidden:  meeting alone at one or the other’s house.  these friends are part of that ten percent i never saw.  they wouldn’t back down on those “i’ll bring a bottle of something special over to your house tonight” terms.  one gentleman friend whom i have never met was driving to my house because i had made that exception . . . but i had not one but two chaperones with me. . . i explained my two friends would join us.  and i later got a text saying my facebook friend’s cousin had been jailed for speeding and my friend was called away.  how inexplicable but average.

i’m sure that kathryn barnes is all right.  her facebook friends have been cooperating with police.  she might just have had a tiff with her mother and wanted some time off.  she might have wanted to create an entirely new life for herself.  she might not even know that anybody is worried about her.  or there may be something totally off.  totally wrong.  totally nancy grace.  oddly, facebook now reports that all of its users are now within four degrees of separation from each other.  which means if you have a facebook account, you know someone who knows someone who is kathryn’s friend.   which makes me wonder if there was a facebook friend she had recently added, someone who isn’t part of the storyline.  this puzzle could be solved.

kevin bacon has been in so many diverse movies that a game was devised called "six degrees of separation" in which kevin could be linked to any hollywood star through his movie roles. facebook allows you to be kevin bacon but even more closely connected.

so am i afraid to meet facebook friends?  well, not on a physical danger level.  i’m more just anxious.  that’s part of who i am.  one day i will learn to own the entire anxiety piece of me.  in the meantime, i have had a wonderful year of meeting facebook friends and this year’s new years resolution is to meet twelve facebook friends who want me to make a difference for them.  i have two lined up for late january early february.  i have a friend in  st. louis who is going to get out of the “safe” zone for a cardinals game.  i have to take what i was given last year–which was a lot of time, friendship, frequent flyer miles, homemade dinners, a garmin gps system, a william clark doll to remind me that i’m an explorer, a portrait, a courage bracelet,  and a whole lot of chaperoning. . . and i have to give that back to others.  without any fear.

 

p.s. if you have any information on kathryn, please call the swansea police at 0110 01792 654 844 she’s a beautiful gal and she needs to be known to be safe.

 

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January 14, 2012

hey, where’s my facebook money? and the need for early supporters. . .

By arlynnpresser

so i’ve been having a wonderful year of meeting facebook friends.  i didn’t meet all 325 of the friends i had as of january 2011, but i got ninety percent of the way there.

some of my friends didn't have time or resources to respond to my request to see them. this dude wrote "harbinger of doom" and is a fan of my grandfather fritz leiber. i never saw him this year although i tried!

 

one of the things i appreciate most about libby hellmann (f2fb friend #7) is that she showed up!  it was january of last year.  i told her my resolution to meet all my facebook friends.  she was a facebook friend.  i said i wanted to spend some time with her.  it took some faith on her part to take part in my resolution when there was no way of telling whether i’d complete it.

i like index cards, datebooks, and lists. libby is on this list as one of the first friends i saw last year. if you have a new years resolution, get some index cards, get some organization, figure out what you have to do each day to get closer to your goal.

 

so last year, right around this time, we met at a restaurant in northfield called seul’s and spent a happy few friendship hours.  i made a video.  i posted a blog.  she was f2fb friend #7–if i was going to finish up 325 friends i just had 317 more to go.  she had faith in me.

libby writes suspense and i am such a fan! you can find her at libbyhellmann.com

 

today we met at the same restaurant because she wanted to celebrate the completion of my project.  the restaurant is now called stormy’s.  the interior is well decorated.  libby looks great.  she is off to cuba because her newest book is set there and she needs to do research.  and i realized how wonderful every one of my facebook friends has been to me!

 

one of the things i appreciate about libby is that she was an early supporter.   if you have a new years resolution you need to find your early supporters.  you need to find the friends who say “you can do it”.  you do have friends who might not give you that support but they might later.  there are friends we need at all stages of what we do.

facebook is set to open itself up to investors with what’s going to be the largest public offering ever.  mark zuckerberg is going to be a very wealthy and since he’s the dude who set this thing up in his dorm room in 2004 i think he deserves a big paycheck.  but. . .

 

 

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January 10, 2012

so i’m in a coffee shop and. . .

By arlynnpresser

i was eating an omelette and sausage and thinking “damn these extra pounds” and i looked up at the television screen and, well, every restaurant has a television screen these days. .. .

 

http://gma.yahoo.com/video/health-26594251/woman-beats-agoraphobia-with-facebook-visits-hundreds-of-friends-around-u-s-27839183.html

 

i wish i knew enough technology that i could just paste it on here like i do most videos.  it’s been a very affirming day but also a troubling one.  the affirming part is that my hair looks okay.  troubling that i have a developing double chin.

 

oh, whoops, that’s not quite it.

 

today is about YOU and your resolution.  tomorrow i make my new years resolution–okay, i’m a little late–but you should already have written it down, announced it to your friends (i count!!!!), and you should feel a little weirded out.  it has to be big.

 

did you know that 36% of people who make new years resolutions have broken them by the end of january.  but i think that’s because the resolutions aren’t specific enough.  don’t say “i’m giving up smoking”. . . . say “i will smoke this number of cigarettes in january and this  much fewer in february. . . “. . .

 

but here’s the good news:  contrary to everything you’ve heard, if you get past january 31, you have a better than average chance of making it.  so whatever you’re doing, keep at it.  and whatever you’re doing, be specific about the goal.  i have a twin resolution this year.  one is this:  to lose ten pounds.  because during my year of seeing every facebook friend, i gained ten pounds.  let’s be honest.  a guy can gain weight it gives him gravitas.  a girl gains weight it makes her pudgy.

this morning great america.

oh, gosh, i got interviewed on good morning america. i keep thinking it was great america. nobody offered me rides on a rollercoaster.

 

tomorrow, i will be on dr. drew.  i had no idea who he was.  i  confused him with dr. phil.

well, okay, way handsome. i'm in.

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January 5, 2012

if you’re shaking with fear, i am too!

By arlynnpresser

so last year right around this time i couldn’t leave the house.  i was scared.  i had scared myself witless by making a new years eve resolution to meet all 325 of my facebook friends.

it would take a lot to get me to leave the house. you might have a phobia that everyone knows about or that you keep to yourself. it might sound silly to others or to yourself but it's real. okay, except maybe freddy krueger in my house isn't. . .

 

so i hope you have made a resolution.  something about yourself that you want to change.  something that defeats you, makes you feel like you’re not as good as others, that paralyzes you.  i want you to figure out a specific goal that will show you once and for all that you are strong.  make it a very specific goal and write it down.  and then go tell every one of your friends. . . some of them will laugh, some of them will shrug their shoulders like it’s no big deal.

but some of your friends already know what this means to you.  and they are the ones who will tell you that you CAN!  

 

i want to know your resolution.  you can email me, you can comment, you can friend me on facebook and tell me about it.  but i want to know what it is.  and if it’s that you want to leave your house, i want you to tell me too!

one of my new facebook friends messaged me that his sister is getting married in march.  he’s housebound and most of his family assumes he won’t be able to go to the wedding.  much less dance at the wedding.  which is something he’d really like to do.  i hope he emails me today to tell me that he has visualized himself having fun at the reception, or that he’s visited the website of the church so that he’s familiar with the layout, or even that he called his sister and asked her to show him some of her wedding preparations.  just one thing.  tomorrow is soon enough for step two.

i spent the first week of january last year unsure of what to do to reach my goal.  to visit a friend in the philippines?  to see someone in nome, alaska?  to travel to new york city?  325 friends, all in one year?  time for the blindfold.

pick one small thing you can do today and write down immediately what you did.  and tell me about it.  

the first day i started working on my resolution, i visited one friend.  my younger son eastman.  we went out onto the front porch and smoked cigarettes.  i know, not a very good thing for a mom to do but i really felt that i was getting one step closer.  just 324 more friends, i thought.

if i had thought too much about how many countries i would visit and how many times i would shut the door on my house and leave i couldn't have done it.

 

so pick the first step for today.  one tiny tiny thing that gets you an inch closer to your goal. 

my goal this year is to take what i learned about last year and make this YOUR year.  to write and share about my experiences.  to give back what my friends gave me in 2011, namely their support and their time and their energy.

so tell me about your goal, tell me about what you did today.

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December 30, 2011

your new years resolution is going to happen in 2012!

By arlynnpresser

. . . . and how to use this blog to help you!

last year, at december 30, i woke up and decided what i was going to do to change my life.  not change it by saying i’m going to lose five pounds, drink less, get more organized.  none of those resolutions that disappear by february, leaving self-loathing as a lenten finish.

i am a person who doesn’t leave the house unless i have to.  i am person who is afraid all the time.   i am a person who lives alone but thinks i have a great social life because i’m on the computer all day and i’m communicating.  particularly on facebook.

emily dickinson was a nineteenth century poet who was a reclusive spinster. i am not a spinster, having been married once. and i'm not a poet. but she definitely would have had a healthy facebook account.

so i decided i would meet every one of these people whom i have messaged and messaged by, posted and responded to posts, liked and commented on.  i knew it would mean getting on a plane.  going to a country not my own.  meeting people.  some of them for the first time.  or at least the first time in a long time.  but i knew i was sick of being me.  of drinking or taking ativan to make it through the things that most people regard as just what you do in our modern times.  don’t tell me to try therapy–i have and i think therapy just makes me dependent on a therapist.  don’t tell me drugs–i like them, don’t get me wrong, but drugs just help me addicted to drugs.  meditation, hypnosis, etc.–i’ve tried them.  this time i would try relying on me . . . and my friends.

so for you, make a resolution.  make it huge.  make it so huge it scares you.  it should really scare you.  and then tell everyone of your friends.  on your facebook page, on a comment to this blog, by telling the town gossip, whatever it takes.

in my case, i posted a video on my facebook profile page and within hours i knew what this year was going to be like.  it scared me.  and it should have.  if you want to read about that, go to the top of this blog page and click on the “for those who like to start at the beginning”.  then i started taking baby steps.  small discrete things i could handle.  some of the results were funny.  some were heartbreaking.  some were scary.  some made me feel really strong.

do one thing each day in furtherance of your resolution and don’t for a moment think about the obstacles way ahead of you.  trust that you will be strong enough for them when you get there.

the biggest thing i was scared of was traveling around the world.  i decided to break up the friends into geographic zones and visit a few in each zone  and make the travels just a little more challenging each time.  and then come back home and see friends in chicago.

which totally reminds me, i saw facebook friend #290 yesterday.  she was pretty funny.  she didn’t want me to use her name and instead wants me to call her agent 99.  okay that’s fine.  i’m seeing facebook friend 291 today and possibly 292 tomorrow.  i will get to about ninety percent of my goal.

some friends were unreachable.  some friends were reluctant and i have no interest in forcing anybody to do something they don’t want to do.  some friends had their own issues that made seeing them impossible.  quite bluntly, there are four friends in california that would have seen me but i ran out of money–and i’ve been to their area of california twice already.

i’ve been to over 51 different cities.  i’ve been on at least forty five flights.  i’ve taken trains, cars, buses, planes although never a boat.  i’ve been to mexico city, the top of alaska, around the world.  i traveled through new york enough times that i honestly can’t remember.  i’ve made new friends.  i’ve rediscovered old friends.  and now when i read a post or a comment, i have a picture in my head of the person.  i know who they are in a way that can’t be communicated just through facebook or a social network site.

i have to make a new years resolution for 2012 and i want it to include some aspect of helping others who are in somewhat the position i was in last year.

rely on your friends to help you with your resolution.  if you don’t ask your friends for help, you’re saying you don’t need them.  and if that’s the case, what kind of friend are you?

i want to be the friend who helps.  contact me on facebook or comment at this blog.  i want to be the friend who helps another friend.


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December 29, 2011

friends for a reason friends for a season

By arlynnpresser

the year is coming to a close and i am forced to concede that i will not see all of the 325 facebook friends i had last year at this time when i made the resolution.  but i’ve done a lot of interesting things and re/connected with a lot of friends. two of the most interesting episodes occurred yesterday.

f2fb friend #288 jeffrey jon smith is a documentary filmmaker who directed a movie called “the miracle” . . . joseph was in the film and it was shot so many years ago that i’m not sure joseph had facial hair.  well, he did but it had to be drawn in.  the miracle is about tekki lomnicki, a little person, who wanted a miracle at lourdes when she was much younger.  it’s directed in the style of an old-time hollywood movie.  the miracle has its own facebook page–the miracle movie–so i could have made the movie my friend.  instead, i made the director my friend.  we had only met once, at joseph’s audition.  jeffrey and i became facebook friends in part because the job of a mom of a young actor is to scope out the project and the people her children work with.  is it okay that i replayed the scene with joseph in it a few dozen times?

jeffrey teaches at both columbia college and facets film school in chicago. we talked a lot about what goes into making a movie! for jeffrey the miracle movie required a miracle--in health, finances, and endurance. sort of all the things we hope for a new year!

later when i went home i was visited by a woman who lives in a community near to winnetka.  she brought me christmas cookies.  she was apologetic that they were “late” christmas cookies but if someone’s going to bake for me, i figure she can bring me christmas cookies in july.  but i invited her in and that’s when she told me she was my f2fb friend #289.  i had to admit she had been on my list but i had thought she had defriended me.  instead, she had deactivated her account because of a stalker ex-husband.  in fact, she had become a bit paranoid about all sorts of things–linked in, pta parent rosters, the mail being delivered late or possibly not at all.

but she knew i had this project and she just wanted me to know it was nothing personal.   i told her that she would have to share “anonymous” with f2fb friends #88, #228, and #229 who all had their reasons for secrecy.

am i going to have a new year’s miracle in which all the rest of my facebook friends will bring me christmas cookies?  luckily, for my waistline, no.  there are friends who have moved, friends who’ve become fan pages (elmore leonard was, sigh, once a friend) and there’s even a few friends who aren’t even real people and they seem to get a lot of free iphones and restylane treatments.  some friends were friends because we were working together or went to school and now that doesn’t exist.  and then there’s this:  some of my friends want to keep a facebook friendship just that, a facebook friendship.

and some friends are for life!

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