Tag Archives: facebook

January 17, 2012

the facebook friendship danger

By arlynnpresser

“aren’t you scared of meeting your facebook friends?”

i have heard that question so often that i sometimes don’t give it the attention it deserves.  certainly, meeting a facebook friend whom you’ve known for years poses few dangers.  meeting a facebook friend who is a relative even fewer (except for possible crying jags).   the gal you sang in the church choir with but moved to st. louis?  please!  but what about facebook friends you’ve never actually physically met?

kathryn barnes went to wales to meet some new facebook friends and she was last seen at swansea's high street train station on january 4. while all her contact information has been stripped from her account, facebook of course would still have it. her mother is frantic. if i were her mother, i'd be frantic too!

 

the short answer to the question of whether i’m afraid is no.  the reason is that every time i meet a new facebook friend, i bring a chaperone.  during the past year, i have never taken a trip without someone there.  preferably someone who knows how to drive at night (i’m not great at it) and can carry my bags if necessary.  having the initials joseph leiber presser certainly helps as well–and my son is a wonderful chaperone and once shooed off a facebook gentleman friend who entirely misinterpreted the nature of my new years resolution.  it was “arlynn meets all of her facebook friends” not “arlynn does all of her facebook friends”. . . the chaperone who took me to mexico city was a captain in the u.s. army, twenty six years old, nothing romantic going on but he was determined i would make it there and back.  the first thing he did when we got there is something i think all american travelers should consider–he walked me from the hotel to the american embassy, making me memorize the landmarks along the way and everywhere we went in mexico city, he referenced where we were in relation to the embassy.  it seemed paranoid but really, he knew that if we ever got separated or if something disastrous happened, i was heading straight to the embassy and asking for a cheeseburger and an american flag thermal fleece blanket!

having a chaperone usually doesn’t cause a problem.  we all understand the world is a place that contains a few crazies.  sometimes i think my facebook friends have come to like my chaperones.

blaise pascal was a mathematician and philosopher. he'd probably wager that having a chaperone is unnecessary but that the horrors of the damage created by the one time i would need a chaperone are so great that i was wise to just use one every time. he had some stuff about atheism, God and hell along the same lines.

 

i have had facebook friends who are within such a geographical distance that i have made exceptions.  for those facebook friends, the rule has to be public place.  must meet in a public place.  and in those circumstances, i always let someone know where i was going and with whom and for how long.

caribou coffee is the second largest retail distributor of coffee in america (guess the first and you'll win a prize). coffee shops were created for the purpose of meeting people. use them!

 

there were a few facebook friends from the previous year who insisted on the absolute forbidden:  meeting alone at one or the other’s house.  these friends are part of that ten percent i never saw.  they wouldn’t back down on those “i’ll bring a bottle of something special over to your house tonight” terms.  one gentleman friend whom i have never met was driving to my house because i had made that exception . . . but i had not one but two chaperones with me. . . i explained my two friends would join us.  and i later got a text saying my facebook friend’s cousin had been jailed for speeding and my friend was called away.  how inexplicable but average.

i’m sure that kathryn barnes is all right.  her facebook friends have been cooperating with police.  she might just have had a tiff with her mother and wanted some time off.  she might have wanted to create an entirely new life for herself.  she might not even know that anybody is worried about her.  or there may be something totally off.  totally wrong.  totally nancy grace.  oddly, facebook now reports that all of its users are now within four degrees of separation from each other.  which means if you have a facebook account, you know someone who knows someone who is kathryn’s friend.   which makes me wonder if there was a facebook friend she had recently added, someone who isn’t part of the storyline.  this puzzle could be solved.

kevin bacon has been in so many diverse movies that a game was devised called "six degrees of separation" in which kevin could be linked to any hollywood star through his movie roles. facebook allows you to be kevin bacon but even more closely connected.

so am i afraid to meet facebook friends?  well, not on a physical danger level.  i’m more just anxious.  that’s part of who i am.  one day i will learn to own the entire anxiety piece of me.  in the meantime, i have had a wonderful year of meeting facebook friends and this year’s new years resolution is to meet twelve facebook friends who want me to make a difference for them.  i have two lined up for late january early february.  i have a friend in  st. louis who is going to get out of the “safe” zone for a cardinals game.  i have to take what i was given last year–which was a lot of time, friendship, frequent flyer miles, homemade dinners, a garmin gps system, a william clark doll to remind me that i’m an explorer, a portrait, a courage bracelet,  and a whole lot of chaperoning. . . and i have to give that back to others.  without any fear.

 

p.s. if you have any information on kathryn, please call the swansea police at 0110 01792 654 844 she’s a beautiful gal and she needs to be known to be safe.

 

1 Comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in Uncategorized

January 17, 2012

tomorrow i meet friends like me. . . and some will be on facebook too!

By arlynnpresser

tomorrow i will meet a lot of new friends.  they might or might not be facebook friends but they are part of my new years resolution of last year and this year.  last year i endeavored to meet all 325 of the facebook friends i had.  i reached ninety percent of my friends.

the other ten percent? some of them moved during the year, some of them didn't respond to my requests to meet, some of them became too famous to be bothered, and some . . . weren't even people at all!

 

this year’s resolution is to take what i have learned about friendship, about travel, about anxiety and about doing things even when you’re a little bit afraid and i’m going to find twelve facebook friends who want to meet me!  i already have two meetings set up which means that i’m on target for this year’s resolution.

tomorrow i will meet a whole group devoted to anxiety and panic attacks.  these are people who know what it feels like to be me!  they are the anxiety and panic attack support group of bolingbrook and i will learn a lot from them, i’m sure.  they meet on the first and third wednesdays of every month and give each other encouragement.  oddly, i’m a little anxious just thinking about going there–it will be dark and i don’t like to drive at night, there will be people i don’t know, i’ll be expected (or i’ll expect myself) to be witty.  i will fail at that last one.

but i have spent so much of the last two weeks sitting in my house reading messages from facebook friends, many of whom share my difficulties, that i know that i have lost practice at leaving. i need to go.

i need to get my john wayne on!

7 Comments   |  tags: , , , , | posted in Uncategorized

January 15, 2012

it’s january fifteenth and i’m a little behind on my new years resolution. . .

By arlynnpresser

at the beginning of the new year, the ancient babylonians made promises to the Gods that they would return borrowed items and repay their debts.  the romans made their new year’s promises to janus, the two faced God for whom january is named.  and the medieval knights made a “peacock vow” right after christmas to reaffirm their commitment to chivalry.  these days, a lot of people make new years resolutions.  fully 40% of americans make resolutions.  the most popular ones being losing weight, exercising more, getting a better job, getting control over one’s finances.  but 88% of people fail at their resolutions, almost half giving up before the end of january.  last year, i resolved to meet all 325 facebook friends that i had at the time.  for a variety of reasons, i managed to meet up and have real face time, with 292.

in the third episode of season three of the hit series glee, mike chang's father demands that the principal force mike out of the glee club because mike has received an A- on one of his tests. the A- is referred to as the asian F, in part because of the stereotype that asian parents expect perfect grades from their children. i met 90% of my facebook friends last year so i guess that's an asian F.

 

this year, my resolution is to meet 12 facebook friends who would like my help getting out from behind the computer screen.  i think we sometimes use facebook friendships as a way of avoiding the chaos, confusion and just plan scariness of modern life.  and some of us have our worlds get smaller and smaller.

i made three new years resolutions:  one, i have to lose ten pounds.  i gained that much over the course of last year–damn, those taipei soup dumplings, the weiner schnitzel in dortmund, the smashed peas in bristol, the seven course meal in eastbourne. . .  the next is a little more embarrassing.

white wine, we have to talk. . . . i like you too much. so we have to break up. i'll still let myself drink beer but the white stuff's offlimits. if you see me with a glass like this in my hand, call me out on it!

 

and the big resolution is that i will take what i have learned and visit twelve facebook friends who are stuck.  and i will do what i can to help “un-stuck” them.  but january’s nearly over.  i have to get moving.  people who are successful at new years resolutions do two things:  they engage in interim goal setting and they announce their intentions and ask for support from their friends.  in order to make my facebook new years resolution work, i will have to meet one facebook friend a month.  and it can’t just be one meeting or one interaction.  it’s going to have to be a little more intense.  but i have made the first step:

on january 26th, i will be in pennsylvania meeting with a facebook friend who has been housebound for some time.  she would like to be a “better” mother and see her son succeed at things like little league games.  i will be meeting her for the first time.

on january 29th, i will fly out to boston where i will meet with a facebook friend who has similar issues.  i hope she’ll let me take her to lunch at the “top of the hub” restaurant in boston because one of the focuses of her anxiety is heights and elevators.

if you want to succeed at whatever you’ve chosen as your new year’s resolution, you should announce what you plan to do and you should celebrate your interim successes.

9 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , | posted in Uncategorized

January 14, 2012

hey, where’s my facebook money? and the need for early supporters. . .

By arlynnpresser

so i’ve been having a wonderful year of meeting facebook friends.  i didn’t meet all 325 of the friends i had as of january 2011, but i got ninety percent of the way there.

some of my friends didn't have time or resources to respond to my request to see them. this dude wrote "harbinger of doom" and is a fan of my grandfather fritz leiber. i never saw him this year although i tried!

 

one of the things i appreciate most about libby hellmann (f2fb friend #7) is that she showed up!  it was january of last year.  i told her my resolution to meet all my facebook friends.  she was a facebook friend.  i said i wanted to spend some time with her.  it took some faith on her part to take part in my resolution when there was no way of telling whether i’d complete it.

i like index cards, datebooks, and lists. libby is on this list as one of the first friends i saw last year. if you have a new years resolution, get some index cards, get some organization, figure out what you have to do each day to get closer to your goal.

 

so last year, right around this time, we met at a restaurant in northfield called seul’s and spent a happy few friendship hours.  i made a video.  i posted a blog.  she was f2fb friend #7–if i was going to finish up 325 friends i just had 317 more to go.  she had faith in me.

libby writes suspense and i am such a fan! you can find her at libbyhellmann.com

 

today we met at the same restaurant because she wanted to celebrate the completion of my project.  the restaurant is now called stormy’s.  the interior is well decorated.  libby looks great.  she is off to cuba because her newest book is set there and she needs to do research.  and i realized how wonderful every one of my facebook friends has been to me!

 

one of the things i appreciate about libby is that she was an early supporter.   if you have a new years resolution you need to find your early supporters.  you need to find the friends who say “you can do it”.  you do have friends who might not give you that support but they might later.  there are friends we need at all stages of what we do.

facebook is set to open itself up to investors with what’s going to be the largest public offering ever.  mark zuckerberg is going to be a very wealthy and since he’s the dude who set this thing up in his dorm room in 2004 i think he deserves a big paycheck.  but. . .

 

 

4 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Uncategorized

January 13, 2012

create that panic attack. . . and enjoy it!

By arlynnpresser

this week i have spent almost all of my waking time eating the chocolates from my christmas stocking–and reading facebook messages.  in fact, i’m spending so much time on facebook that i’m starting to worry that i’m living in my computer like i was in december 2010.  which was part of the reason i made the resolution in 2011 to meet all 325 of my facebook friends.  i am reading messages from new facebook friends.  they tell me about fear, isolation, disappointment, self-loathing.  mostly, it’s people who have said “i can’t” and the can’t is anything outside their door.  in fact, there’s a few where that door is their bedroom door and they can’t even manage parts of their house.

these are smart, plugged in, caring sometimes very funny and witty people.  they feel they’ve disappointed their families.  they wish they could travel and experience the real world.  they have made a place for themselves on facebook.  and now i’m part of that world.

according to some interpretations of the mayan calendar, the world will end in december 2012. according to the digital marketing firm icrossing, facebook will have its one billionth user set up an account on august 12, 2012. spooky!

 

one new friend is brandon, twenty six years old, living in los angeles.  he has trouble with panic attacks.  he has gone to the emergency room absolutely convinced he’s having a heart attack.   boy,  i’ve done that! he has gone through periods of being housebound.  me too!  we have been messaging each other quite a bit and we’ve discovered something else we share.  the outside world is frightening because we’re scared we’re going to have a panic attack and we’re going to be embarrassed, helpless, made fun of.  as brandon put it to me, if he is at home he knows that if he panics, he can make a cup of tea, sit on the couch, try to calm down and call 911 if absolutely necessary.

he made me think about why i’m scared of flying.  i know statistically the plane is unlikely to crash which is what i say when people ask me what i’m afraid of.  but i have that moment when my heart starts racing as the plane is taking off.  . .

one time, i was on a plane and the person i was with said "oh, that's the noise the plane makes just before it crashes". i screamed. i was so ashamed of myself that i spent the rest of the flight with bright red hives. and didn't get on a plane again for years. and then only with a lot of white wine sloshing around my stomach.

i’m scared of the panic of flying.  i’m also scared of the panic of being in grocery stores, trains, crowds, dinner parties, lunches, offices.

i'm completely freaked by wal-mart but a lot of people are. it's like they've stuffed the entire planet into a pig's intestine.

brandon forces himself to go out and create a panic attack, and let it wash all over him.  that’s basically what my entire 2011 was all about.  letting the panic wash all over me as i made my way through a list of facebook friends.  in some sense, trusting each facebook friend to be a friend.  sometimes i would have to say “i’m having a panic attack, help me”  and you know what?  no friend ever let me down when i asked for help.

brandon and i agreed that we both have done the usual–antidepressants, sedatives, drinking too much, therapy.  and so have a lot of the new facebook friends i’ve been introduced to.  i think brandon’s trying something very interesting.  and i think it’s time for me to get back to being out from behind my computer screen.  because if i don’t do that, i’ll backslide into being someone scared.

my new year’s resolution last year was to meet my 325 facebook friends.  around this time last year, i was taking baby steps towards my goal.  i didn’t think about how impossible it was.  i didn’t think about how i would have to get on a plane.  i tried not to think about the philippines, taiwan, korea, india. . . i secretly hoped all my facebook friends would move to winnetka, illinois.  if you’ve made a resolution–especially one to get outside your comfortableness–you should be making one small step every single day.

i'm a big believer in index cards and datebooks. this time last year i was definitely working on a day at a time. . .

 

if your new years resolution is to make a million dollars, you might need to set a goal of making $2,739  a day.  if your resolution is to lose ten pounds, maybe you should be scheduling time to work out. . . and adding one minute every day to how long you work out.  if your resolution is to go to your sister’s wedding when you haven’t been outside of the house in a year, maybe it’s time for you to get a copy of bride’s magazine and look at how much fun people have with weddings.

all right, i have to go create a panic attack. . .

 

 

5 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Uncategorized

January 12, 2012

i want to thank the academy and the mental health semi-professionals who made this possible. . .

By arlynnpresser

on january 24, the academy of motion picture arts and science president will announce the nominations for an oscar.  i won’t be getting one.  but i sure felt like a star last night when the black lincoln town car pulled into the driveway.  michael, the driver, opened the passenger door for me and off we went.  president obama was in town but i didn’t have to worry about traffic.  i had to worry about dr. drew.

dr. drew pinsky is an internist, addiction specialist and a radio/television personality. he wanted to talk about my facebook project for his show on hln network.

 

i had run six miles earlier in the evening to calm my nerves.  i texted friends in the back seat as if the digits on my driver’s license were reversed and i was fifteen not fifty one.  i hardly noticed the beautiful lights on michigan avenue.  michael dropped me off at the building where cnn has its bureau.  the bureau is eight desks in one room and a small studio.  a cheerful makeup artist made me look so great i felt awful i was being wasted on a wednesday night.  and the producer took me into the studio.  it was nine thirty and i really wanted to be home in my pajamas.

i sat in front of a screen that was a video feed of the view from the window.  i had a microphone up under my sweater.  i had an earpiece in my right ear and could occasionally hear parts of dr. drew’s interview with billy ray cyrus.  a camera was directly in front of me and the producer told me to look just towards the top of the lens.  then it would appear as if i were looking at dr. drew.  it’s kind of like skype, but i would have to use my imagination.

for some reason i kept thinking of heidi fleiss and parrots. she was on two shows--celebrity rehab with dr. drew and sober house with dr. drew. instead of picturing dr. drew, i kept thinking about the fact that heidi the former hollywood madam owns over two dozen parrots.

 

i heard but could not see a clip of the time my facebook friend gretchen miller taught me how to open a champagne bottle with a saber sword.  it was a wonderful memory.  then an expert psychologist was introduced.  she was quite alarmed–because she said that panic attacks are made WORSE by someone going out into the world without proper medical supervision and care.  further, she said that panic attacks were among the easiest ailments for a professional to treat.

i have to stop right here and tell you what i HAVEN’T been doing for the past week.  i haven’t been seeing facebook friends.  i haven’t been traveling.  i haven’t been lolling by the pool at some wonderful resort.  i have been reading messages, texts, and emails from people who are just like me.  it has been overwhelming because almost all of them have been from people who suffer from panic attacks and agoraphobia.  all of them feeling trapped.  all of them doing their best.  some of them unable to afford treatment but most having made some effort. i have tried to respond to every email and i’ve made arrangements to visit at least one new friend because they believe i can help them walk out the door of their house.  hell, it can’t make things any worse, right?  and at least they’ll get a hostess gift out of the deal.

in the studio i did the worst thing:  i forgot my manners and my microphone.  i felt like i was being told that everything i had done over the past year was not only wrong, but medically ill-advised.

“maybe i should have brought a psychologist with me,”  i said about my past year of travel.

i instantly regretted the words.  and i settled into a familiar feeling of self-loathing.  my foot and my mouth are a perfect fit, yes?

the interview ended, dr. drew couldn’t have been more polite and sweet.  the producer and the makeup artist were very kind.  i went down to the curb and watched the president’s helicopter fly overhead.  michael told me the traffic would be light on the way home.  i felt guilty taking dr. drew’s car.

sometimes when i really feel down, i drink white wine and a lot of it. but after the dr. drew episode, i had an amstel light and read OK! magazine.

 

this morning, i was still feeling like i owed somebody–most particularly the expert psychologist–an apology.  and i had to question whether it’s okay for me to just haul off and write back to the facebook friends who contact me about their anxiety attacks.  i’m not an expert.  and i didn’t have experts with me when i went off to see my facebook friends around the world last year.  i didn’t even ask any experts what to do or how to do it.

silly rabbit, you had a LOT of help from mental health semi-professionals. they're called family and friends!

 

so i don’t have any opportunity or need to make up a thank you for oscar night, but i have a thank you for this morning.  thank you to my friends and family, on facebook and those who aren’t on facebook, because you made it happen.  and if i could roll out the red carpet for you on oscar night, i would!

7 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Uncategorized

January 10, 2012

so i’m in a coffee shop and. . .

By arlynnpresser

i was eating an omelette and sausage and thinking “damn these extra pounds” and i looked up at the television screen and, well, every restaurant has a television screen these days. .. .

 

http://gma.yahoo.com/video/health-26594251/woman-beats-agoraphobia-with-facebook-visits-hundreds-of-friends-around-u-s-27839183.html

 

i wish i knew enough technology that i could just paste it on here like i do most videos.  it’s been a very affirming day but also a troubling one.  the affirming part is that my hair looks okay.  troubling that i have a developing double chin.

 

oh, whoops, that’s not quite it.

 

today is about YOU and your resolution.  tomorrow i make my new years resolution–okay, i’m a little late–but you should already have written it down, announced it to your friends (i count!!!!), and you should feel a little weirded out.  it has to be big.

 

did you know that 36% of people who make new years resolutions have broken them by the end of january.  but i think that’s because the resolutions aren’t specific enough.  don’t say “i’m giving up smoking”. . . . say “i will smoke this number of cigarettes in january and this  much fewer in february. . . “. . .

 

but here’s the good news:  contrary to everything you’ve heard, if you get past january 31, you have a better than average chance of making it.  so whatever you’re doing, keep at it.  and whatever you’re doing, be specific about the goal.  i have a twin resolution this year.  one is this:  to lose ten pounds.  because during my year of seeing every facebook friend, i gained ten pounds.  let’s be honest.  a guy can gain weight it gives him gravitas.  a girl gains weight it makes her pudgy.

this morning great america.

oh, gosh, i got interviewed on good morning america. i keep thinking it was great america. nobody offered me rides on a rollercoaster.

 

tomorrow, i will be on dr. drew.  i had no idea who he was.  i  confused him with dr. phil.

well, okay, way handsome. i'm in.

7 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Uncategorized

January 5, 2012

if you’re shaking with fear, i am too!

By arlynnpresser

so last year right around this time i couldn’t leave the house.  i was scared.  i had scared myself witless by making a new years eve resolution to meet all 325 of my facebook friends.

it would take a lot to get me to leave the house. you might have a phobia that everyone knows about or that you keep to yourself. it might sound silly to others or to yourself but it's real. okay, except maybe freddy krueger in my house isn't. . .

 

so i hope you have made a resolution.  something about yourself that you want to change.  something that defeats you, makes you feel like you’re not as good as others, that paralyzes you.  i want you to figure out a specific goal that will show you once and for all that you are strong.  make it a very specific goal and write it down.  and then go tell every one of your friends. . . some of them will laugh, some of them will shrug their shoulders like it’s no big deal.

but some of your friends already know what this means to you.  and they are the ones who will tell you that you CAN!  

 

i want to know your resolution.  you can email me, you can comment, you can friend me on facebook and tell me about it.  but i want to know what it is.  and if it’s that you want to leave your house, i want you to tell me too!

one of my new facebook friends messaged me that his sister is getting married in march.  he’s housebound and most of his family assumes he won’t be able to go to the wedding.  much less dance at the wedding.  which is something he’d really like to do.  i hope he emails me today to tell me that he has visualized himself having fun at the reception, or that he’s visited the website of the church so that he’s familiar with the layout, or even that he called his sister and asked her to show him some of her wedding preparations.  just one thing.  tomorrow is soon enough for step two.

i spent the first week of january last year unsure of what to do to reach my goal.  to visit a friend in the philippines?  to see someone in nome, alaska?  to travel to new york city?  325 friends, all in one year?  time for the blindfold.

pick one small thing you can do today and write down immediately what you did.  and tell me about it.  

the first day i started working on my resolution, i visited one friend.  my younger son eastman.  we went out onto the front porch and smoked cigarettes.  i know, not a very good thing for a mom to do but i really felt that i was getting one step closer.  just 324 more friends, i thought.

if i had thought too much about how many countries i would visit and how many times i would shut the door on my house and leave i couldn't have done it.

 

so pick the first step for today.  one tiny tiny thing that gets you an inch closer to your goal. 

my goal this year is to take what i learned about last year and make this YOUR year.  to write and share about my experiences.  to give back what my friends gave me in 2011, namely their support and their time and their energy.

so tell me about your goal, tell me about what you did today.

5 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in Uncategorized

January 1, 2012

the new year begins january 2 this year!

By arlynnpresser

i had technical and logistics issues this last weekend of 2011.  a friend who had to cancel while i was in transit.  a hotel with internet service delivered by a recalcitrant donkey.  photos that wouldn’t upload.  or is it download?  i can never tell the difference. 

yet, i have gotten my asian F, finishing at 292 friends met during 2011 out of 325 friends i had as of january 1, 2011.  f2fb friend #291 was john adorjan who i hesitated to call because of his number — 867 5309.  i thought it was a prank when i saw it on his “info” page.

867-5309/jenny was a song on the tommy tutone 2 album released in 1982. its popularity caused many people to call the number and ask for “jenny”
john gets people calling him all the time asking for jenny.  think of all the area codes in the country–there are a lot of folks with that problem. 
 
john and i met because of mutual friends.  he likes to play with his facebook profile and we agreed that what people present themselves as on facebook very often isn’t what is real.  john is a photographer and he’s developing a business creating profile portraiture that would express the real essence of a person.  we had a photoshoot and the results will be posted on my facebook page soon. 
 
and then i welcomed in the new year. . . .
 
 
but, wait, you’re saying to yourself what about f2fb friend #292?  well, frank skony works in banking and december 31 represented the end of the quarter and the end of the year.  reports, reports, long hours, lunches delivered by management to one’s desk so that nobody would slip away for an hour. 

chinese new year for 2012 year of the dragon is monday january 23. frank skony's new year is january 2..

frank is someone who has transformed his life and he’s using 2012 to do it again.  he is a perfect facebook friend to conclude the year with.  we will talk about my new years resolution for 2012 and give thanks to mark zuckerberg for creating the facebook that let’s us keep in touch so well. 
 
i began the year with f2fb friend #1 eastman, my son, representing love and frank will represent growth.  2012 will be a very good year for you and me both.  let’s do it together!
 
 

2 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Uncategorized

December 30, 2011

your new years resolution is going to happen in 2012!

By arlynnpresser

. . . . and how to use this blog to help you!

last year, at december 30, i woke up and decided what i was going to do to change my life.  not change it by saying i’m going to lose five pounds, drink less, get more organized.  none of those resolutions that disappear by february, leaving self-loathing as a lenten finish.

i am a person who doesn’t leave the house unless i have to.  i am person who is afraid all the time.   i am a person who lives alone but thinks i have a great social life because i’m on the computer all day and i’m communicating.  particularly on facebook.

emily dickinson was a nineteenth century poet who was a reclusive spinster. i am not a spinster, having been married once. and i'm not a poet. but she definitely would have had a healthy facebook account.

so i decided i would meet every one of these people whom i have messaged and messaged by, posted and responded to posts, liked and commented on.  i knew it would mean getting on a plane.  going to a country not my own.  meeting people.  some of them for the first time.  or at least the first time in a long time.  but i knew i was sick of being me.  of drinking or taking ativan to make it through the things that most people regard as just what you do in our modern times.  don’t tell me to try therapy–i have and i think therapy just makes me dependent on a therapist.  don’t tell me drugs–i like them, don’t get me wrong, but drugs just help me addicted to drugs.  meditation, hypnosis, etc.–i’ve tried them.  this time i would try relying on me . . . and my friends.

so for you, make a resolution.  make it huge.  make it so huge it scares you.  it should really scare you.  and then tell everyone of your friends.  on your facebook page, on a comment to this blog, by telling the town gossip, whatever it takes.

in my case, i posted a video on my facebook profile page and within hours i knew what this year was going to be like.  it scared me.  and it should have.  if you want to read about that, go to the top of this blog page and click on the “for those who like to start at the beginning”.  then i started taking baby steps.  small discrete things i could handle.  some of the results were funny.  some were heartbreaking.  some were scary.  some made me feel really strong.

do one thing each day in furtherance of your resolution and don’t for a moment think about the obstacles way ahead of you.  trust that you will be strong enough for them when you get there.

the biggest thing i was scared of was traveling around the world.  i decided to break up the friends into geographic zones and visit a few in each zone  and make the travels just a little more challenging each time.  and then come back home and see friends in chicago.

which totally reminds me, i saw facebook friend #290 yesterday.  she was pretty funny.  she didn’t want me to use her name and instead wants me to call her agent 99.  okay that’s fine.  i’m seeing facebook friend 291 today and possibly 292 tomorrow.  i will get to about ninety percent of my goal.

some friends were unreachable.  some friends were reluctant and i have no interest in forcing anybody to do something they don’t want to do.  some friends had their own issues that made seeing them impossible.  quite bluntly, there are four friends in california that would have seen me but i ran out of money–and i’ve been to their area of california twice already.

i’ve been to over 51 different cities.  i’ve been on at least forty five flights.  i’ve taken trains, cars, buses, planes although never a boat.  i’ve been to mexico city, the top of alaska, around the world.  i traveled through new york enough times that i honestly can’t remember.  i’ve made new friends.  i’ve rediscovered old friends.  and now when i read a post or a comment, i have a picture in my head of the person.  i know who they are in a way that can’t be communicated just through facebook or a social network site.

i have to make a new years resolution for 2012 and i want it to include some aspect of helping others who are in somewhat the position i was in last year.

rely on your friends to help you with your resolution.  if you don’t ask your friends for help, you’re saying you don’t need them.  and if that’s the case, what kind of friend are you?

i want to be the friend who helps.  contact me on facebook or comment at this blog.  i want to be the friend who helps another friend.


2 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Uncategorized